[just2b]

When I was a teenager, it was suicidal ideation, crying spells, feeling sad all the time.

Now I don't know. I don't feel any of the above, more like " I don't care attitude". There maybe other symptoms but it's also the way I've been for a longer time. Like I don't sleep well and poor appetite. So just wondering what others experience. Thanks

Hm, let's see. I tend to lose my appetite as well, and often lose a lot of weight when it's really bad. I'll sleep too much. I'll be overly emotional; I won't cry over my depression, but I'll cry at the smallest things (kind of like the way a small child thinks the world is ending when they drop their ice cream on the ground).

I'll feel terribly isolated too, and convince myself that I am merely tolerated by others (or worse, hated).

When it get's really bad, well...then much worse thoughts enter into the picture, of course.

[Carmina]

It feels like a sort of famine or wasteland of the soul for me - I feel physically and psychologically 'dis eased' - heavy, lumpen, rotten from the core, full and empty at the same time -
hard to describe and I feel I could depress people by even trying to but I have tried to capture the feeling in some of my poetry and paintings eg

https://forums.psychcentral.com/crea...ml#post5842136

[cryingontheinside]

Same depression was different in my teens . I cried all the time and starved myself . I cried in secret though in the bathroom most of the time.
Its different for me now . I don't cry . I feel lonely and pathetic and needy and desperate to fit it . I feel weak and vulnerable and also shame and guilt. I still have suicidal thoughts . but they come and go . there's times when I force myself to sleep for days just so I don't feel but I still end up having constant bad dreams . sometimes I crave alcahol and drugs . I don't take drugs any more and don't drink hardly ever . but I crave it a lot , I just ignore the craving though .

[Shazerac]

Mine feels like an elephant is standing on my chest. It literally hurts to breathe. The world looks gray and dreary. Sounds seem oddly muffled or screeching loud and annoying.

I have no desire to get out of bed, shower, brush my teeth, get dressed. Food tastes like cardboard. My heart starts pounding when the phone rings cause don't want to talk to anyone. Going to the moon seems like an easier task then walking to the mailbox.

I question why I was born and why I'm still alive and what is the point of this whole shitshow anyway.

Then I may wake up the next morning. And everything is fine. Who knows.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

The world looks gray and dreary.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that one. Colors literally look muted to me when it's bad. Ugh.

I have a bleak outlook for the future. Things in my life are OK now, but I always have fears that it's going to change for the worst. It's difficult for me to think that things are going to get better in the future.

Like some of the others who have already posted, it's hard for me to cry but I can feel like it a lot of times. Shedding some tears (like silent crying) comes easier for me when I have not had a good night's sleep.

One big symptom I have, that may sound odd, is that I don't feel like shopping for new clothes. There was a time when I would get all excited about buying new shirts. I think that it's been years since I've bought some new shirts. Though recently I've bought work slacks and shoes because I had to. And I really need some new shirts right now!

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Mine feels like an elephant is standing on my chest. It literally hurts to breathe. The world looks gray and dreary. Sounds seem oddly muffled or screeching loud and annoying.

I have no desire to get out of bed, shower, brush my teeth, get dressed. Food tastes like cardboard. My heart starts pounding when the phone rings cause don't want to talk to anyone. Going to the moon seems like an easier task then walking to the mailbox.

Yes - it's like someone has washed away all the colour and flavour in the world.

[Marla500]

It hurts and I feel worthless and ashamed for anyone to see me. I can't do anything right and no there's no point in trying anyway, but if I do try it takes a huge amount of effort to get anything done.

[lotusblossom19]

Crying spells occur. Lack of motivation. No interest in doing anything. I just want to sleep the day away. Everything just seems too onerous to do. Everything just feels heavy. I feel like the living dead.

[BleedTheFreak]

Loss of interest. Incessant second-guessing. A ceaselessly stoic disposition. Zoning out every two minutes. Sinking into my couch. Existential dread. Self-harm. A constant need to put myself down.

[just2b]

Thanks everyone for posting. As I am trying to figure out what I feel, I seem to have no clue if that is even possible. I cry easily, like one posted about a child dropping their ice cream and feeling like the end of the world, I want to sleep all day, or at least most of it, I eat maybe once either a snack or one meal, maybe one drink of Gatorade. No motivation, no care, feel lower than dirt, and know and feel there is just me in this, no support anywhere. Fleeing thoughts of self harm and drinking, yet feel like what's the point in doing that! Based off what you all posted maybe I am depressed. And yet because I can't feel it or maybe acknowledge it, it like doesn't phase me. Make sense? Sleep is sucky as I also have sleep apnea, and now getting tired that I nap during the day, and soon the day will be gone. Extremely bad insomnia too.
Just wanted to post and say thanks to everyone!!