self care: is it really about motivation?

I think this is an interesting debate, and I'm going to post it and see what people say about it (thanks cryingontheinside!)

anyway my point is, that when it comes to self care, do we do it out of motivation?, or, do we actually do it out of politeness.

example:

I would never, ever, go round a friends house, hair a mess, clothes all torn and smelling like a toxic river

I wouldn't expect that from the person I am visiting, so why should I do that?. it's like standards I think. you don't expect it from people, so why do
it yourself

and I think the same can be said for cleaning the house

most days when i'm not actually doing anything or expecting anyone, because I live alone anyway, my house looks like world war 3

but when I am expecting company, you do it- you clean the house and make it nice for that person

maybe it's just me, but even in low motivation states, I believe the reason we do self care is out of politeness, and out of respect- not because we want
to

hell, if I didn't have appointments to go too or things to do sometimes, i'd be quite happy living in a house that is never tidied, and looking like shrek's
older sister

but you gotta show respect

As far as being presentable, yes, I find it easier (required really) to do it for other people. I think most people do. So I'd side with politeness, respect and manners.

I don't know why many of us carry that to an unhealthy extreme by showing general consideration for others and so little consideration for ourselves. I don't buy that it's just part of my mental health issues. Because I see it in other people to various degrees. Social conditioning and upbringing? A hardwired tendency to be social creatures and all that goes with that?

Not enough mirrors in the house? ("Aaa! What the **** is that?")

When I'm feeling reasonably well I'll certainly maintain better standards just for myself, but like I said it's easier and more compelling to not make yourself feel even worse and inadequate in front of others. So maybe it's part of the whole "I care what others think of me" thing.

Honestly, I don't let myself slide very far. Being icky is icky and gets old real fast. And I've been at this a long time.

For other kinds of self-care like diet, exercise, sleep routines, and the like, it's motivation. The motivation is not to descend into those depths of constant wretchedness and torment again. I'll do an awful lot to mitigate that.



Shrek has an older sister?

Shrek's older sister.. lol. I love it.

I'm not sure what the answer is to this. But my inclination would say that the need to be presentable, a lot of it is a from a place of insecurity. That's just my experience. I think it could come from different places depending on the person. Like maybe being presentable for some people comes from a place of self-respect.

My mom would have a cleaning frenzy freak-out every time we had people over. She was always worried about how her house measured up to other people's houses in terms of cleanliness.

She could always be found saying that her really close friends also had messy houses. Extra points to them if she thought their houses were messier than hers. Like she liked it that there wasn't pressure coming from them. Solidarity in piles of laundry I suppose.

I don't think she ever really found any value in having a clean house in itself. It was just always about appearances.

I found myself doing the same thing when I got my own house. And now I just concentrate more on feeling good enough however I am. And my house is just naturally tidy I guess. It's not really a source of freak-out anymore.

This is a really interesting question though, I'm going to start paying attention!

You're right, many people take care of themselves out of respect for others. I think often we don't respect ourselves as much as we respect others