Not worth it

This morning my mom asked about my depression because I guess she's noticed I've been down, and I was honest with her and then she threatened to stop paying for my university... I feel like crap and this makes me feel worse. It seems that no one cares about me being depressed. I'm just making up for attention, as my mom would say. I have been doing really well in my courses, but yet, that's what she says... I'm done. I'm worthless.

I've learned that it's best to keep up a facade around my parents. They think "weak people are more easily depressed than others". Other times, it's "poor me, my child has problems, what did I do wrong????? I want to kill myself!!!!!"

No point arguing about it.

I can break down elsewhere. My parents are, as well, helping me with paying for education. I think they think they are doing me a great charity, as this is not out of their hearts, but out of some sense of duty, or "imagine the humiliation if our child dropped out or didnt finish the degree". In a perfect parent child relationship, the fact that they are helping with paying for education would not be used as leverage or as a talking point for spite.

At this point, I see education as a tool to create spite amongst family. I've just been force-fed learning, as a point to prove to my parents, that we're smart or as good as the other families or what have you. I can't wait until I graduate, can get a job, and can learn on my own terms, without fear of failure.

Anyway, I can relate, and I agree that it is okay to be angry against parents. Most of the time, parents are horrible people that are just objects that need to be handled and placated. They are children, they never know what to do, and they are stupid and most of the time, they are just guessing. Just, don't show it them. I made this mistake, very early on. I've since learned to guide them carefully. I only tell them about how competent I am and about my accomplishments, yet downplay them enough, so that they don't feel inadequate, and so that they don't walk all over me.

This was probably not the most level headed response, and all about me, sorry.

Hi Nike

First of all.........you are NOT worthless

And........I know you've been honest with her (and MASSIVE kudos on that!!) but some people can still struggle to actually understand to the feelings of depression, and I'm guessing with your mom that may be the case??
And it might not be that she doesn't care but more that she doesn't understand??
I don't know whether talking to her more about it might help, or not, but perhaps the lack of understanding is why she behaved that way??
So please try not to let this bring you down more or make you feel (any more?) worthless, because we know how hard depression can be, right!!!
And you know......you have done amazingly well managing as you have in your courses despite the depression, so try to hang in there and remember that we care and we can understand if you want to talk more..........
You matter and your feelings matter, and again.........you are NOT worthless

Alison