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Pixie1
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Default Nov 24, 2017 at 08:15 AM
  #21
Being alone is not a bad thing.....it’s feeling lonely that hurts. Please try to make some new friends.....is there no one in your building that you can try to befriend? Maybe bring them a plate of freshly baked cookies & start a conversation? I know you said you don’t like the people in your building but you don’t really know them do you? It seems like the best place to start. Also, are you allowed pets where you live? Cats make wonderful companions (of course I am a cat lover ��).
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Default Nov 25, 2017 at 01:49 AM
  #22
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Originally Posted by Ds9fan74205 View Post
The scariest part my dear new friend is that idk if I WANT to be ok. My heart is forever broken, and blackened. I vow to myself to never love anyone ever again even remotely close to as much as I loved mom. Why you might ask? Because I absolutely, utterly refuse to hurt like this EVER again.
I have said for many many years (I'm 47) to all my friends and family over and over...I have two WORST possible fears in my life. #2 is of spiders. Unholy things they are. But the #1, WORST fear, the one that kept me up nights, and haunted my days.....BEING ALONE. So you see, just being alone, physically but also most of the time mentally, alone..is my hell on Earth. Forget adding on everything else, the pain, money trouble, hating where I live, supposed "friends", etc etc
I'm so miserable. Nothing, NOTHING, not even baking truly brings me any joy any more. Really. I'm a Trekkie, die hard, card carrying trekkie. Even THAT, can't bring me joy. Idk. I just. Don't. Know.

While loneliness is known to cause health problems to an extend that speed up someone’s mortality, I do my best not to ever entertain that thought because if I do, the darkness takes over and I lose my control. So please, try not to focus on how alone you are. From what you have shared, it is not in your control and the more you focus on that fact, the worse you might feel.
From what I understand, here at PC., some people are in a similar boat. I know of some members, including myself, who have no family or close friends. I am not sharing this information to downgrade your situation, not at all. I am sharing it so you know that you aren’t alone.
I realize that what I just shared with you doesn’t make your situation any easier or ease your pain but I hope it will enable you to feel more comfortable around us, as we are also suffering from similar challenges and we can fight together.
The power of community can bring miracles to one’s life.
I am sorry that you cannot reconnect with your brother. It does hurt more when the wounds are caused by our own blood.

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Default Nov 25, 2017 at 02:10 AM
  #23
I don’t know what to say to help you feel better. I wish I did. I’m sorry about your situation and I do care and I’d like to offer my support. Please keep posting to vent/talk.
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Default Nov 28, 2017 at 01:58 AM
  #24
Ds9fan74205
How are you holding up?

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Default Nov 28, 2017 at 02:52 AM
  #25
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Ds9fan74205
How are you holding up?
I'm...idk. I sleep around 14-16 hours a day, I eat once a day, etc. I'm trying but feel crappy.
How are you?
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