[Silent Blatherskite]

It took me a few hours to get this condensed together, so hopefully this is written in it's simplest terms

I've been trying to get to the root of my depression using everything I've collected over all my therapy sessions and non-violent communication, and it's clear that several of my needs aren't, or never were, being met. On Maslow's pyramid, I have next to zero in the way of social interaction, let alone belongingness. Outside of my family, there's no one I talk to. And below that need, my finical security is also slowly deteriorating.

However, when I try to encourage myself to try and meet my needs, I still ask myself why even I should. Meeting my needs for the sole purpose to have them met doesn't seem to motivate or work well for me. And even when my needs were met, they were extremely unstable, as shown by my own series of unfortunate events. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, so I never had a good reason why I did anything. And when I was successful, it was nothing more than, "Because I choose to." or "This was asked of me." That worked out for a while until everything crashed around me overnight, so that mental avenue is blocked.

The question that recently led me to trying to rediscover my why is, "What is alive in you today?" Perhaps I'm still going about this language of compassion incorrectly, but I can't seem to find the answer to that question any day of the week. Some things might motivate me and get sparks flying, but never enough to light a fire and keep me going.

Or being 32, had symptoms of depression starting way back in grade school, and currently unemployed due to serious burnout from my previous job, I feel like I'm just out of gas.

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I presume depression is one of the things I've been struggling with my whole life as well... and I'm pushing 70 now! I say "presume" because for most of my life there simply wasn't the emphasis on mental health there is today. So I still don't really know for sure. For most of my life I simply got along... or didn't... as best I could. I think feeling one is "out of gas" is pretty-much a typical symptom of depression though. It's certainly a feeling I'm familiar with.

Most of my life I just went through the motions. It never really occurred to me I had any other choice. I can still hear my father saying many years ago: "You're not required to like it. You're just required to do it." So that's what I did. I guess I'm fortunate at this point that I've reached an age where I no longer need to accomplish much of anything... other than a few household chores now-&-then. But if I were to ask myself "what is alive in you today" I don't know as I'd be able to find an answer either. I just do it because that's what's required. However... I send hugs with the hope that, in some way, you may find a better answer to that question.