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jellylake
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Default Jan 02, 2018 at 10:23 PM
  #1
I don't feel like the person I am supposed to be. It's not really that I have all these expectations I don't meet, but more like I feel like I was never really meant to be here in the first place. I hate my surroundings and the people I live around/talk to. In my head I'll get this sudden urge to remodel my bedroom and/or wardrobe, but I always end up losing interest and if I already started I regret it. It's weird because these thoughts to change everything pop up and leave so suddenly. Some of my more common themes I'd like to change to are past decades, like 50s, 80s, and 90s. Some of my family members have told me they think I'm bipolar, but this has never been confirmed. This probably makes no sense, but if you think you understand or have some ideas on how I could stop these urges and thoughts please comment!

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Smile Jan 03, 2018 at 03:23 PM
  #2
I think I can relate to this somewhat. I don't do it anymore. But I had a very long history of coming up with projects, or new hobbies, I thought I wanted to pursue, going out & spending money on whatever I thought I needed to get started, & then just losing interest in the whole thing. I don't have an actual diagnosis. However, one psychiatrist I saw suggested there might be a bipolar element to what has gone on with me too.

As far as what to do about it... the only thing I can really say is that, as the old saying goes: "knowledge is power." Gradually, over the years, I began to develop some understanding of what I was doing. And so, now, when these urges come up, I see them for what they are. I smile to them, perhaps breathe into them, & let them go. It's a take-off on a practice that is referred to as "compassionate abiding." Here's a link to a description of the practice as it is used as a remedy for anxiety. However it works well for the types of urges we're talking about here as well:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

Hope it can be of some help.

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jellylake
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Default Jul 08, 2018 at 11:07 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by jellylake View Post
I don't feel like the person I am supposed to be. It's not really that I have all these expectations I don't meet, but more like I feel like I was never really meant to be here in the first place. I hate my surroundings and the people I live around/talk to. In my head I'll get this sudden urge to remodel my bedroom and/or wardrobe, but I always end up losing interest and if I already started I regret it. It's weird because these thoughts to change everything pop up and leave so suddenly. Some of my more common themes I'd like to change to are past decades, like 50s, 80s, and 90s. Some of my family members have told me they think I'm bipolar, but this has never been confirmed. This probably makes no sense, but if you think you understand or have some ideas on how I could stop these urges and thoughts please comment!
Edit: Turns out I'm transgender. Things make a lot more sense now. Thanks for the support y'all

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