Attention seeking? (Parts may or may not trigger)

Years ago, I watched a made-for-TV movie about a girl with anorexia. She was the ignored "good" girl in the family while her rebellious sister got all the attention. During a family therapy session, her therapist points out how the family is now all focused on trying to force her to start eating again, and he asks, "Why should she get well now, and lose all this attention?"

As someone with depression, I've had the same accusation thrown at me. To some people's thinking, I don't actually have low self-esteem. I only say those things so somebody will defend me and tell me good things about myself.

If I feel suicidal, that's also supposedly for attention. Some lists of red flag signs of an abuser will even cite threats of suicide as a manipulation tactic. So now I'm not even supposed to say so, when I feel that way, or else I'm being emotionally abusive.

Isolating? That's attention-seeking too, because I allegedly want everybody to miss me, and wonder where I am, and come and look for me. Say I really don't want that, and I want to be left alone, and I'll get, "Oh, but if we leave you alone, you'll.... (whatever they don't want me to do.)" Note, this is more so in the past than now. It has improved, but still the memories....

Right now I'm facing a depression I don't think I can talk about because I'll be lectured on how those feelings are wrong, and I should be glad for what I have, etc. (As if I'm not.) But I really don't want people swooping down on me being "supportive" when they're really being "intrusive." (Say so, and I'm bad for not being grateful that people care.) On the other hand it also hurts to say something a thousand times and have it keep going in one ear and out the other. But if I complain about not being listened to, then again, it's taken as attention-seeking.

???

PS: I turned the potential triggers white because I apparently don't know how to use spoiler tags. Can anyone enlighten me please?

First off, I don't think you need triggers for your post. You aren't mentioning anything specific, just a feeling.

I have thought about this attention-seeking idea a lot. First off, using suicide as emotional blackmail or abuse isn't always the case. It's specifically emotional abuse when it's used to manipulate or blackmail. As in "if you don't stay with me, I'll kill myself." or "if you don't love me, I'll harm/kill myself." That is emotional abuse and manipulation.

Similarly, attention seeking behavior is "no one ever listens to me" "no one ever offers me help." It's these specific pity-party comments, that typically aren't true, that are attention seeking and manipulative.

When I self-harmed or was suicidal, it was not for attention. It was to ease my own pain. So feeling that way is not necessarily a cry for help. Similarly, that made for TV movie was wrong in saying that the anorexic teen wouldn't stop because she wouldn't get attention. That whole movie sounds wrong so please don't base your life on that. Anorexia is often about gaining control over one's life through the intake or lack of intake of food. It is not about attention-seeking.

Similarly, your depression is not because you don't get attention. You are not seeking attention by being depressed. And similarly, your isolation is not an effort to have people seek you out. When I isolate, I don't do so thinking that others will miss me. I know for a fact they don't. They don't even think of me. People with depression often isolate because of their anxiety, not to gain attention but because they are afraid of it.

Then there is the other part of this: if someone is seriously suicidal or ready to self-harm, isn't that WORTH our attention? Like writing someone who is suicidal off as just seeking attention, I mean, for God's sake! I mean ideation is one thing, but if you're talking about someone who is literally in the throughs of an attempt, yeah, yes, hell yes, they deserve our attention to save their life.

I get so tired of people calling people in pain attention seekers when the fact is that they are seeking attention because they need it. Because they need help. Think of all the people who commit suicide and then later on everyone says "well we had no idea they were depressed, they never said anything." It's such BS.

So, I'm not sure you were asking for support or advice or whatever, but whoever is saying you're just looking for attention is a jerkwad, IMO.

Seesaw

Thank you so much for all of that. I can understand why you wouldn't know what I'm asking for, since I'm not sure either. Your post was very informative and helpful.

I agree with seesaw; don't believe those who tell you this. Your feelings are valid

I hope you can reach out to anyone without feeling "abusive." You need understanding and support.

I also hope your mood shifts and you feel better soon.
please do seek any support/help you may need.


WC