[shamon86]

I see my T once a week and take medications my pdoc has prescribed. I realize nothing in my life will change unless I do it. No one is going to save me. But I just can't seem to want to save myself. I'm 31 and feel like my life is over. I have a job but I'm still not to financially stable, my dad has to help me alot with money. I live by myself with no boyfriend or husband and no prospects of finding one. I've never even been kissed! Forget about kids if I ever do find a man it's gonna be too late to have them. Everything I want seems so far away and even if I break my goals down into smaller pieces, it's gonna take forever to get a "life worth living".
Someone had posted in the forum earlier about how they just exist, but aren't really living. I get that. I don't like thinking about the future because I can't see one for myself.
My T and I are going back over some DBT skills but I haven't been doing some things I've supposed to have been (mindfulness, working out, keeping a diary card). I thought a month ago that I was going to be able to make some changes and get myself motivated and do a better place. And while I haven't had any major episodes of depression the last couple weeks, I still feel "blah". I'm not content. And I have no one to blame but myself. THIS IS MY FAULT. The things I think about and my activities (more specifically lack thereof) are supposedly all contributing to my mood and I should change. I just lack the motivation to do any of that and stay with it. How can I expect others to help me, if I can't even help myself?

[Skeezyks]

Well... I wish I had the answer to this. I don't. But I certainly am familiar with the feeling. From what you wrote, it sounds like you're doing a lot of things right. And that is to be celebrated!

About the only thing I can offer is that quite a few years ago, in a partial hospital program I attended, they said: "Don't should on yourself!" From my perspective, I think the only real solution is to strive to be content with things just as they are. (You probably didn't need me to tell you that.) That's not to say we shouldn't do what we can to improve our circumstances to whatever extent we can. But at the same time I think we have to try to find a way to be okay even if nothing ever changes.

I know this won't help either. But I'm 69! And to a large extent, my life really is over. At 31, you still have plenty of time to accomplish whatever you'd like to accomplish. I know what a struggle it can be though. I wish you well...

[Fuzzybear]

“Don’t should on yourself” - no professional said this to me ... however had they done so it would have been of more use than the ... sub optimal “therapy” I paid for. I wish you the best

[maybeblue]

One of the hardest things about depression is that it can make you so unmotivated to do anything...and it's way more complicated that just being "lazy." It's like you physically or emotionally can't do it. So the first thing I would say is cut yourself some slack. If you had the flu you wouldn't feel guilty because you couldn't get out and do all the stuff you do when you don't have the flu. Depression isn't much different. It's real. So be patient with yourself. Accept that it's hard right now to do stuff and try really hard to not beat yourself up about it.

The second thing I would suggest is try to pick one tiny thing that you actually feel like you can do. Don't try to work out, do the cards and the mindfulness stuff all at once. That's too much right now. Pick what seems the easiest. Write one card, or spend 5-10 minutes walking or doing mindfulness. And then tell yourself good things about it. Don't look at what you haven't done. Look at what you have done. And it doesn't matter if it is something small. That's ok right now. You have a real medical condition and so it's ok to give yourself permission to just be.

[Nike007]

I understand your struggling. I’m on medication and am doing therapy, for a reasonable length of time, but I don’t feel better and I’m really frustrated. I’m not angry like before, but just want to get better.

I get how you are told to do x, y, and z, but you end up doing none. Maybe it’s possible to just choose one to focus on? Just explain that you have too much “homework” to do at the moment with your mood, and just choose one. My psychologist earlier today talked about thinking of your life as a ball of tangled yarn. If you work on too many knots at once, then you aren’t that much closer to solving it, plus it can get more tangled. If you work at one thing at a time, then things may be a bit better that you can do more.

For example, if you only have energy and motivation for one thing, just switch it around. If you can’t work out your normal amount, just do 10 minutes. Do 5 minutes. Because at the end of the day, you can say “look I did something today” and feel proud of it. If you can’t emotionally deal with writing a novel on your thoughts, write one sentence about your day. Something like this...

I hope some of this helps

[katydid777]

I agree with everyone else's comments about just doing a little at one time. Don't overload your mind with this, that, and the other. Try to take your days just one day at a time, or one hour, or one minute, even one second. Depression isn't easy, and it is very hard to turn your mind off of it. If you like nature just go and be around that, or a stream, a movie, a book, even being on line, maybe you can find a game you might like. I like the hidden objects games mostly because for me they help keep my mind busy. ((HUGS to you))

[Sunflower123]

((((( shamon)))))