[purrky]

Someone I know is depressed (her first episode, out of the hospital a month or so ago) and will be visiting me for a month soon. She is not working and neither am I, and we are both single and loners. We will be visiting with local family part of the time, but we will mostly be alone together.

How can I best help her (or at least refrain from making things worse)? I know we will talk a lot, as we do every day over the phone now. We will go for walks. But are there other things that would make life a little more pleasant for her?
(Unfortunately, as a cause and/or effect of the depression, she has gastritis so the pleasure of eating is hard to manage).

I'm thinking of having light, cheerful movies in the background (at least they will cheer me up), and give her the opportunity to watch too. Maybe beautiful nature documentaries, or other documentaries that divert you from the rut your mind is in. (She definitely needs a break from very serious things that she was dealing with when she got depressed)

If you could also advise me as to what kind of things we could talk about, and what to avoid. I'm not talking about what to say in a quick visit (e.g. don't say "snap out of it"), but what can be discussed at greater length. E.g. should we avoid the whole topic of depression and suicide, unless she directly brings it up? (She has not been suicidal; someone said we should talk about suicide because it is the "elephant in the room", but shouldn't we rather avoid it?)

Any suggestions are welcome!

(Note, I have had depression (I have bipolar disorder), but my meds have been working for 10 years, thank God!)

[Skeezyks]

Well... in general... I think the important thing is to ask her. Only she knows what will or won't be helpful. Personally I would not want anything "running in the background" with the exception, perhaps, of some quiet music. And I would definitely not want to talk a lot. You would soon find me heading for the nearest door. But that's just me. The fact that people happen to share similar diagnoses doesn't necessarily mean they would have anything in common in terms of how they might want to have a visit go. (I doubt you really needed me to tell you that.)

You asked about discussing depression & suicide. Here again... I would let her guide you. If she doesn't bring these subjects up, I don't think you should feel as though you need to. I suppose you could, at some appropriate moment, say something like: "I don't know if you want to talk about such things as depression & suicidal thinking. But, if you do, I'd be glad to do so. Just so you know..." And leave it at that. Let her take it from there.

There is one additional point, with regard to suicidal ideation, I want to make though. The experts who study & work with this sort of thing tell us that that it's okay & even important to ask a person, whom you believe may be feeling suicidal, straight out... are you thinking about ending your life? You won't put the thought into the person's head. It's already there. And you may just create the opportunity for them to reach out for the help they need.

So... having written all of that, here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives on the subject of what to say to a person who is struggling with depression:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-thin...hos-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-best...th-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/best-th...hos-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-thi...sed-loved-one/

Best wishes for a fun & successful visit!

[Wild Coyote]

I have been depressed; yet, I am jovial in a crowd of 2+.

There's great info in the post above.
You know your friend best.
Let your love for your friend and let the flow of the conversation be your guide.

Distractions are great!
I can forget my mood when playing cribbage, for instance.
Do you have any table games you could play?
Going to movies might be helpful.
Bowling or a similar activity?

I hope you and your friend have a good time together!

WC

[Fuzzybear]

[FallDuskTrain]

i know nothing about this person, with the exception of her gender and depression, so it is almost impossible to know for sure... but I guess if you two will speak a lot you may want to make sure not to say anything to invalidate her feelings... and if you happen to get into a disagreement, just try to be as gentle as possible.
Again, it is impossible to provide insight as i have no knowledge of her age or personality.