[BrokenDamaged]

I hate to be overly negative, but why bother if we are going to die anyway? Everyday is a struggle to wake up in the morning to go to work, I cut off the few friends I had, cannot bear the thought of talking to anyone, and attempted suicide twice last month. Honestly, this is not LIVING; I am already dead yet I still "exist". Nothing seems to be able to make me feel better and I have severe medical debt. I try to appreciate what I have, but this shameful existance is too much and I wonder why I am still here...

I feel like due to my history, suicide is inevitable, and life will only get worse after loved ones pass away and if I end up never having children. I have hobbies but I lost all will to do anything but lie in bed agonizing. It has been TWO MONTHS of this non-stop.

[MtnTime2896]

Yeah, I feel you. That's kinda where my head's been at since Thanksgiving last year. Been depressed for longer but it just got so much worse then. I can't help but think, "Why bother?" I've pushed most friends away, and some pushed me. Karma, right? Is what it is, I guess.

I suppose one of the differences between us is the fact that I do have some support. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. Admittedly, it hasn't been enough for me, but I'd probably already be dead without it. (Would that be a bad thing?)

While I can't see the point of anything, I still think you're worth the chance for help. Death can come anytime, why rush it? Hypocritical of me to say, but maybe I need to hear it just the same.

Keep posting if it helps. I may or may not end up IP (or whatever) within the next 24hrs. But I'll try to keep up on this thread and offer support. Best wishes.

[BrokenDamaged]

Hello. Thank you for your reply, I know you are also going through a very tough time. Since Thanksgiving is a very long time to feel as horrible as I do, but glad you have some support.

At this point I absolutely cannot imagine speaking to another human or facing anyone, and not sure if it will change. I hear some therapists do not help, and everything is so expensive.

As for why rush death...well although I do not condone suicide necessarily, I just know life will get worse for sure. I lost everything I valued, and I hate what I have become due to depression and illness.

[Fuzzybear]

I don’t have much to offer right now But I’m listening...

[Wild Coyote]

I am glad you have written!

I can relate, somewhat. I have rather severe medical conditions, in addition to PTSD and depression. I have huge medical bills every year. I keep adding to diagnoses and to expenses. yet, I cannot work. I often feel like I am shoveling against the tide. It all seems futile, especially when depression is telling me it is futile!

I work hard at trying to lift my depression. I seek help via my pdoc, he is also my therapist. I have to take things on a day-by-day basis. some days, I take it hour-by-hour.

Keep posting so we can support you!


WC