[Nike007]

I really don’t know where to start. But I am going to say that some parts of this is triggering, so warning.

But I guess the the past 2 weeks were awful, and I was extremely restless and anxious. I missed a midterm and the make-up. I haven’t done school work in the past 2 weeks either. And I’m afraid because I am writing the make-up this Tuesday I believe. And I have 2 labs due Friday, plus a lab test on Friday, and have another lab tonight I believe. I have a lot of work I need to catch up on.

[trigger]My self harm has been all over the place. I was good for a week, then I saw a doctor who made me feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough to “cure my depression”. And then I self harmed then.

And then last night I got a lot of urges to do so. I was at a friends place. She asked me what I needed and I feel like I never know what I need. And I have a hard time talking to people because of having autism, and I just didn’t know what to say. But I was slightly upset, as I went over because she was bored, and instead of just doing something with me, she was messaging people online and talking to her roommate. I felt unwanted there.

But anyways, I guess that and my urges were too strong so I did.[\trigger]

But now my mood is better, assuming from increasing the dose of Prozac. And I am able to concentrate on school work but everything else is still awful. I don’t have motivation still, so I end up not doing school work or leaving my bed most days. My self-esteem and feeling of worthlessness is still bad. I am still quite restless. I am indecisive now it seems like, I was hungry a few days ago, but I couldn’t decide what to eat. I’m also really tired, even though I’m sleeping a lot, and don’t leave my bed often, I get tired from the little things. And I’m having insomnia problems. I have been prescribed sleeping medication, but I have not been using it because I hate the side effect of grogginess in the morning, and I don’t get that if I just take melatonin but I think I need to take it.

Possible trigger:

And I’m suicidal again. Those thoughts stopped but they have reappeared a few days ago.

I still have depression, but not with the mood part anymore.

I feel like an awful person all the time.

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you are having such a tough time.
I can remember not being able to stay out of bed long enough to attend classes and to do homework, etc. I'd felt horrible about myself.

I hope you do feel better soon.

WC

Thank you for the update. I am sorry you are having such a rough go, but proud of your strength.

[Fuzzybear]