Clear now, confused later... it never stops

MtnTime2896 · 07:02 PM

Without my meds, life's been... confusing. I'm slightly more clear today and yesterday. I feel myself slipping back, though. It's like this presence in my head that is always in the back of my brain. It's always there and always waiting to spread and consume the rest of my mind. And it does it whenever the hell it likes. Right now, I can feel it there, lurking around. With every synapse it travels anywhere it wants.

I thought I was doing alright today, speading the night with my fiance should've been enough to help keep me grounded. Turns out that it wasn't. Everytime I go outside, all of the noise is so overwhelming, everything is several times louder than it normally is. So, I stay inside, in the quiet. But then, a voice chimes in every once in a while to remind me of just how crazy, stupid and worthless I am.

I've been sleeping(ish), enough that this stuff shouldn't be so bad. In truth, this actually isn't that bad, not in comparison to the past couple weeks. However, it's becoming that way again. I don't mind the hallucinations (most of the time), it's the getting confused and becoming unable to respond that I hate. I get to this point of confusion where I just can't speak because I don't know "who" to answer. Not to mention, a great deal of the time, I don't even know which dimension I'm physically in verses the ones I'm simply witnessing.

Maybe I did die. Maybe this is purgatory for me. I've been told that I need to "wake up". And they're right, I do. But there's only one way to guarantee anyone to wake up from a dream. My only question is, would I actually wake up from this?