can't get out of this depression and inability to live a full life.

I've been alone too long, probably abused in my childhood by my family and the system.

I've been so alone.

something about the redemptive power of love, it would give me strength.

I can't love correctly, I'm too weak for it.

if someone were to ever love me, I would collapse, become dependent, and need them, and turn back into a child.

And they would leave.

It's never a good plan to invest in another person, even if they could heal you and let you start over, which I need. it would be great if someone could help me have a full life where I could pursue some interests while they held my hand or watched over me. Like if I wanted to go see a concert or buy a keyboard, they could come with me. I've always done things by myself from the time I was a child, and it's scary and humiliating, and I don't want that anymore.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME IF WANTING SOMEONE TO BE WITH THEM AND HOLD THEIR HAND AND HUG THEM AND LOVE THEM AND HELP THEM AND SUPPORT THEM AND LOVE THEM AND SPEND TIME TOGETHER is too much? is that dependence, to want someone to love and help you have a full life? is it unreasonable? is it wrong to want someone to be a safety zone for you when having a new experience? if I were to go to a new place, is it wrong to want to cling to someone? to have someone to hold my hand and kiss me and hug me? and help me if I have questions, that are dumb, but legitimate questions?

I'm unable to live on my own, I'm empty.

I severely want to kill myself. I can't do the people thing, I can't pursue interests, I can't even go to the beach. People depress me, it all depresses me. There is nothing in this world for me because I can't reach out and grab it because I'm weak and trapped.

How could anyone love a depressed person? I'm completely empty, I don't have a life, and I have some mental disorders that manifest physically. I don't do anything except mope. I also don't have the capacity or energy to put aside for that. I'm completely wounded and kicked down, and I am the exhausted product of abuse, with nowhere left to go.

I'm sorry for not being able to be helpful, but I check most of those box's to.

The most debilitating disease I've got, is the ability to learn how to cope.

But we all desire companionship.

[Bill3]

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME IF WANTING SOMEONE TO BE WITH THEM AND HOLD THEIR HAND AND HUG THEM AND LOVE THEM AND HELP THEM AND SUPPORT THEM AND LOVE THEM AND SPEND TIME TOGETHER is too much?

It is not too much.

is that dependence, to want someone to love and help you have a full life?

No, that is not dependence.

is it unreasonable?

It is reasonable to want that.

is it wrong to want someone to be a safety zone for you when having a new experience?

No.

if I were to go to a new place, is it wrong to want to cling to someone?

It is okay to want that support when going to a new place.

to have someone to hold my hand and kiss me and hug me?

It is not wrong.

and help me if I have questions, that are dumb, but legitimate questions?

Yes, that is okay to want.

How could anyone love a depressed person?

Maybe depression is a kind of coating that affects and obscures the person inside. One can love the person who is inside the coating.

[Candy1955]

Hear me out: start with a pet, a dog or a cat. treat them kindly and you will see they love you. YOU. Just the way you are. It is a huge start on believing you are lovable.

[cryingontheinside]

I feel a similar way . But not necessarily a partner although that would be nice. More so the need of friendships .
I have these fake internet friendships and I act so needy and pathetic but I need them so much , want them to like me so much , want them to care . Rejection kills me. They often ignore me or take me for granted .
Real friends : I don't have any . I wonder what that would be like ? I don't even know . I pushed everyone away long ago . Now I am stuck with nobody . Don't know how to make new friends except fake ones on the internet who probably find me so pathetic .