[whisperingskye]

There, I said it. I want to die. And honestly it’s taking all that I’ve got right now to not reach for the pills, to not act on this really strong urge. This need.

I just ****ing hate myself. I am so weak. And really, it would do the world a favour if I just wasn’t here anymore.

I don’t know how to keep fighting this. And I’m not even sure if I want to.

I ****ing hate this. I hate life. I just want out.

[SorryShaped]

You aren't writing anything I don't feel too. I just hang on, to nothing, anyway, hoping something will materialize from the nothingness

[MtnTime2896]

I can't speak for the world, but I know it wouldn't do me any favors to lose you, fren. Hard nights like these, they go away. Yeah, often times they come back but change is inevitable, for better or worse. I know, living just for a few moments of peace is rarely ever worth it during times like these. You have people who love you and sometimes that isn't enough either, but don't let your brain low ball just how much people care. You know I'm here, buddy.

((((whisperingskye))))

[Skeezyks]

[mote.of.soul]

Hang in there please whisperingskye. These feelings should pass soon so don't make any rash decisions, okay? Endure for now and I guarantee it will pass, and from there you can continue on the path of inner growth. Hang in there please, I can relate to those thoughts and feelings.

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

There, I said it. I want to die. And honestly it’s taking all that I’ve got right now to not reach for the pills, to not act on this really strong urge. This need.

I just ****ing hate myself. I am so weak. And really, it would do the world a favour if I just wasn’t here anymore.

I don’t know how to keep fighting this. And I’m not even sure if I want to.

I ****ing hate this. I hate life. I just want out.

Can you be safe just for me please? I m fighting a very hard battle and even if any one person would do something for me it would mean a lot for me and give me courage. I know what I m saying sounds silly, but I mean it.

[whisperingskye]

Thanks for the support everyone.

This morning I’m calmer. The thoughts are still there, but there isn’t the same level of urgency to them, for now anyway. Summer always seems to go badly for me, I’m just hoping I can make it through without ending up in hospital this year.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so glad you're feeling better now. You're a valuable human being and we care about you.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( whisperingskye )))))))

[TheOriginalMe]

How are you doing today? You are one of my oldest friends on this site and like so many others who have already posted their support I care a lot about you. I don't pop my head onto the depression forum very often these days but I haven't forgotten how much a hug from a friend used to help me.

[hprodf]

I'm glad you're feeling calmer. First of all, I really recommend seeking support, call a helpline or contact someone.

Secondly, I don't know what you're issues are, but it wouldn't do the world a favour if you weren't here as you might think. It's actually quite the opposite, that's because your position in life isn't one of an individual in a sea of nothing. If you're gone, your loved ones (who I'm sure you have even if you don't want to acknowledge it) will obviously miss you, but so do the people you end up interacting with on a daily basis.

Let me use this board as an example, you've posted here presumably in desperation. Firstly, the act of posting actually suggests you don't necessarily want to take the pills, you want help out of your difficulties, hopefully you find some support here for this.

Secondly, and importantly you've just had an impact on everyone that hasn't only responded to your post, but everyone who has simply seen your post. Based on some of the responses it seems you hanging on and continuing to fight is giving others motivation (also in difficult positions) to keep fighting themselves.

Do you understand what I mean?

It's not just what happens to you, because you surviving has now brought joy and happiness to me to see you haven't given into the temptation. My mood being lifted means my happiness will filter to others and so on, like a ripple effect.

This is the crux of why I believe you can't give up and would argue it's your responsibility to continue fighting to get better. You aren't alone in the world, you're a part of a massive network of people and losing you would have a massively detrimental effect on those who care for you, including those on this board fighting just like you.

Here's the other thing I've learnt. People who feel depression have an incredible amount of love to offer the world, it's why such strong emotions are felt when depressed.

I wish you the best, keep fighting for yourself and for us.

[whisperingskye]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

How are you doing today? You are one of my oldest friends on this site and like so many others who have already posted their support I care a lot about you. I don't pop my head onto the depression forum very often these days but I haven't forgotten how much a hug from a friend used to help me.

Thank you ToM

I’m ok, I guess. I’m sort of just in a state where I feel like I don’t really care anymore. Or maybe that’s wrong, I am trying to care and not follow through on the thoughts, but at the same time I’m not sure why I’m really bothering.