[Onward2wards]

It's surprising how, when feeling down or fearful, we can have a really bad self-image. It is as if prolonged stresses and frustrations make us spin a brutally disempowering story about ourselves and absorb anything negative from the environment as well. The effect is like the old story of a frog slowly boiling in a pot of water - it doesn't notice the water's so hot because the effect builds up before it can be fully aware of it.

Have you ever caught yourself red handed calling yourself a "loser" (or worse) when things go wrong, or assuming the worst as if that is set in stone - almost a feature of your identity - and finding it difficult at first to question those impressions? Wouldn't you rather be a hero on your own adventure in life, overcoming obstacles and feeling good about yourself, building more hope for the future? Sooner or later we have to become aware of how bad the pessimism and the negative self-talk can get, and decide we don't have to put up with it anymore. The inner narrative can be changed, once its' illusion begins to look suspicious.

This idea is helping me a LOT this week. I'm realizing how badly I catastrophize and then put myself down, and how "inevitable" those thoughts appear to be at the time. (My view is that it is one half situational anxiety, one half learned negative expectations). It suddenly hit me how effectively this forms self-fulfilling prophecies, which we can look back on months or years later in regret, and then project forward yet again in our minds as the same old repetitive fears of the future. This is how fear gradually becomes despair. Being aware of the cycle, and finally understanding that it's a kind of learned mind trick (a common one!), is really useful.

[ShadowGX]

Mhm, a lot of what I feel I know is irrational or overly negative (even at the time of thinking it), yet I can't seem to stop myself from thinking that way which in turns just makes me feel worse. I haven't found the trick yet to breaking the cycle, all I can seem to do for now is stall the cycle from continuing by keeping my mind occupied. Some days I can't even manage to do that, though, like lately. I've just been so bored with everything and thus the thoughts creep in.