[nikon]

sending strength to everyone

i've been energetic today, but also inwardly tired, and kind of down now. i'm a receptionist and several people shouted at me on the phone today, and sometimes i'm sick of replying in a polite way while having someone say nasty stuff. also messaged a couple of friends and had no reply yet so feeling a bit lonely.

it has been an okay day, the down sides being no sleep and bad overeating still

spent the morning listening to music and did some sorting of my room in the afternoon

weather is still nice too. not too hot or too cold

[Smileonmyface]

Had to take the kids to the dentist today and it was exhausting. feeling friendless, worthless and absolutely alone. pretty much the same as most other days. i honestly don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

[Yzen]

I've been working long days. From about 6am to 10pm both Wednesday and today. We had an urgent issue that 'must' be resolved. I am worn out and down....

I'm almost regretting deciding to go to see the bfs family. He got a van from work but the ac doesn't work. Its all his family, so he's happy. It took 9 hours to drive here. Im hiding out in the van for a bit. So hot. I'm not a social person so im withstanding four more days of this. Bed doesn't fold out properly. I doubt anyone cares if i just stay here the rest of the night. All they do is drink and smoke weed. I'm missing my son already. He's doing better, has a job. Haven't posted in a long time and i know I'm complaining but i can't complain here. Bf seemed certain to dump me just 2 weeks ago. I don't think i should have asked for another chance. People don't really change. Myself neither and he was sooo unhappy, i should have let him go. Its bound to end at some point and im just prolonging the pain.

Why cant i be normal and happier and more social . I think this is going to be the end of us when we get back home. I really shouldn't have come. Laughter and people are going to get to me soon

[will19]

Not a real good day today. It seemed like at work a couple of people were nitpicking at the way I handle things. Pretty slow at work today. Just before taking my bike ride after work, my sister called. She said that my brother has leukemia. It had been going on for a while, but my sister just found out. He's taking chemotherapy. So this may not look good for him. On the other hand it's a miracle that he's still living since he had smoked, drank, and used pot a lot. And lived a reckless life. Another thing that upset me was that my sister was going to send me some things today and she told me that she didn't have the time to do it. She's very notorious for not delivering on her promises.

[Rose76]

I don't know what to do. My left heel is burning. I have a toothache. I'm losing patience coping with my duties as caregiver to my boyfriend. The apartment is becoming a mess. I don't know if I should just stick with things, or give up. Somehow . . . I'm wrong either way.

Maybe if I take some pain medicine.

doing okay.

I should probably try a little harder with self care (say things and don't do them), but I did shower today.

I also had some time at the park today for like an hour to get my weekly fresh air (or rather I get it daily from my window, but yeah)

still no sleep.

[downandlonely]

My car wouldn't start this morning. So I'm waiting for roadside assistance.

[nikon]

sorry to hear most people are having a rough time today.

work was difficult today, just people being angry etc.
i'm still trying to start out with a new therapist but haven't got anywhere yet. trying to find out the prices from different people and haven't been able to get in contact with them yet.
today my anger bubbled up really strongly when i was on the phone at work. i just felt like shouting at the person on the other end of the phone. at the moment i'm just sick of being patronized, shouted at and insulted by clients who think i'm not doing my job.

[Smileonmyface]

I'm just done I'm tired of going through the motions there is nothing for me but my children. I try to be a good wife for my husband and I love him so much but I am always inadequate. It does no use to try to be any better. All I can do is try to get through each day.

I really really regret going here with the bf. 3 more days after today yet then we can head home. His brother is tagging along home, so 9 hours with basically a stranger to me. Bf is happy. Constantly stoned as usual. I've decided ive had enough of our crazu relationship and will end it after we get home. I've tried taking a break from the people here but they keep going in the van. I dont care what they think. I'm laying here trying to get some peace. The heat is unbelievable.

[will19]

It was a fairly busy day today at work. I did one thing for myself that I ended up getting impressed at. I had asked for help for something and then I had to wait quite a while for that help. But then I decided to take it on myself and I was able to do what I thought I could never do.

Worked out and it went OK. Very hot still. Went to the pool area and the people that were there did a good job of making me feel bad about myself, like they always do. It's just amazing on how I can feel so good and then when I get to the pool area, the people do a great job of bringing me down.
I got talking to a woman at work today and she mentioned that some people just stay at where they are and not like it. It sounded just like me when I comes to living at where I am. I'm sorry I keep on talking about it. I have done some heavy praying about it and it's just not getting better.

[avlady]

i feel terrible too. anxious and can't sleep, one time my t told me i get this way when my symptoms are getting worse and i should ask her for help. will do shes coming over soon.

[Rose76]

I've been awake all night. This was deliberate, as I didn't take my usual night meds that help me sleep. I've been afraid that, if I fall asleep, I'll wake up very depressed, as I did yesterday. It took me all day Friday to climb out of the morning depression. I even took one or two extra doses of Ritalin and an extra dose of Vicodin.

Now I'm getting tired, and I want to lie down. I haven't brushed my teeth in two days. The apartment is a mess. Haven't washed a dish in two days. I know I'll pull out of it eventually because I always do. Until I do, little matters to me. I want my bf to act comforting toward me, but that's just beyond him.

I'm getting sick of doing nothing . . . just reading. That usually leads to me tidying up the place and starting to feel better. But the place is a wreck. I've barely kept up with feeding him. He doesn't understand "being depressed." It never happens to him.

I think I'll be better today. His attendant doesn't help me as much as she could. I do everything to make her job easy. She's very nice, but she takes little initiative. She leaves dishes in the sink, doesn't keep the kitchen counters clean and puts away the laundry sloppily. I think I will tell her to take Monday and Tuesday off. I believe I can better catch up on my housework, if I don't have her here in the middle of the place. My bf and I might enjoy each other more, if we are alone for a few extra days. We'll be more relaxed.

I have to go to bed now.

[Smileonmyface]

Today I went to the store and ran into someone I thought was becoming a close friend. She went to introduce me to the person she was with and she didn't remember my name. I am glad I didn't truly let my guard down. This is why I don't trust people. I should know better. My downward spiral continues down the drain.

[will19]

An alright day so far. It's still hot & humid and I'm sweating. I get so sick of this! I finished my housework early. I didn't do light shopping early this morning like I usually do this time. But I realized I need some new towels, so I'll have to go to the store soon.

I'm feeling fairly good because I went to another discussion board (it was a Christian one) and asked for prayer about wanting to leave my condo complex. The responses were very good, so far, and they were on my side on how I feel. That particular discussion board can be notorious for having meanies on there. I kind of expected to get a reply that I wouldn't like, but it hasn't happened so far. So that's good!

[lotusblossom19]

Incredibly tired. It's like no amount of sleep is enough. Jesus Christ. I've been pretty productive but in like a lazy way if that makes sense. Getting stuff done but dragging feet the whole way. Using sleep as an escape. Doesn't solve anything because it's never enough.

[Sunflower123]

My life, both present and future, seems very bleak today. I am both horrified and relieved that I’ve started the ball rolling. I’ll give myself a few days and see if I can work my way out of it.

Sending hugs to those that are struggling.