Just a regular day.

"Kiddo, take the textbook." To a guy who's almost 18 and studies for a degree now. "Kiddo" is my usual name for her. I am tired of hearing it. Oh, and when relatives are there? She's absolutely a loving and caring mom, "<First name>, please study."

She's more ill than me, yet she refuses to visit my psychiatrist. She tells me just because I was put on meds, I want her to be on meds as well. She prays to God for me to be put off from meds... and she acts just as crazy she did when I was child, abusing me day by dad, every day, for God knows how long. Still doesn't let me go outside or have friends or meet with my relatives. Yet I am the crazy and foolish one, for being on meds and not being the topper in the whole country, ya know, despite the fact I am in a "very good environment" and "been raised by such good parents."

Yesterday we were out for a while for a reason I won't mention. A guy riding CBR and I was surprised to see such a large bike. He talked with my relatives and all, pulled out phone and called a guy he knew that works in the state transport system and asked him about trains and buses so my uncle could go back to his city. Now, I started wishing I was him. I cannot ride a bicycle, let alone ride such a bike.


Now here's the important part, she compares me with others' kids (who by the way are healthy, go outside and have loving parents) and tells me how much successful they are in school. She fails to understand school is for life and life isn't for school. You can be be self-contained and happy (which is the purpose of life) WITHOUT being a class topper, let alone be perfect in such dire conditions (no friends, no motorbike, no social support, no relatives visiting, just sit at home all day)

I was wondering why she doesn't say, "He was riding such a large bike, why couldn't we buy our son a Royal Enfield?" Yeah, grades are everything. And you can still be a topper growing up in such abusive conditions.

It's 5 in the evening and I had breakfast just now. You know, mom cannot work and she has to work hard to put food on the table. My mom is absolutely caring and loving, it's me who fails to understand and "STUDY THE TEXTBOOK" for twenty four hours, seven days a week. After all, I want to be happy in life....

I don't know, do I deserve to live like this? I could really have been Einstein, really, if both my parents were normal... but no, I am not fortunate enough for that. They would have gotten what they wanted if I would have gotten what I wanted. Now I am intellectually disabled yet still forced to go "study twenty four hours a day" because that's what supposed to make a man. Without food, without exercise, without assistance, without the environment, without the support, without anything that makes sense around.

Ah man. Who am I to judge?

[Thirty shades]

Much love to you TheLonelyChemist

Thanks you!