[never. happy]

So last week or something, I was in a hurry to come home from my grandparent's home. When I was about to start from their house, my grandpa said that his close friend's in-laws's had a celebration and insisted that I come along with them. It's an Indian ceremony called "Shastipoorthy". This is usually to celebrate when the husband turns 60 and they get "married" to their wife again. But I said no and left the place, and after that when I got on the bus to home my grandpa said that he didn't really have the energy to go there. But even then he sounded like he wanted to go, and for me to come along with him. I didn't really think much of it and today, my mom had told me that my grandpa said that only because I wouldn't come along. This is an event that only comes once in a lifetime. And I'm the one who prevented them from going there I just can't take that kind of guilt. How could I be so stupid? I was so inconsiderate of his feelings and just wanted to leave that I couldn't see it. I didn't even have a reason to leave. I just wanted to for no real reason. There's nothing that's going to get that back, because this happens only once in a person's life. And I stopped them from being a part of that celebration

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry, it's not clear to me as to how your choice to not attend the ceremony had prevented your grandparents from attending?


WC

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry, it's not clear to me as to how your choice to not attend the ceremony had prevented your grandparents from attending?


WC

He really wanted me to come along I guess that's the only reason.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand why you'd feel guilty, but the decision of not going was your grandparent's - not yours. You didn't really do anything that prevented them from going, and you have the right to decide whether you want to go or not.

If you're really worried about this, I'd talk with your grandpa and ask him to be honest.

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I understand why you'd feel guilty, but the decision of not going was your grandparent's - not yours. You didn't really do anything that prevented them from going, and you have the right to decide whether you want to go or not.

If you're really worried about this, I'd talk with your grandpa and ask him to be honest.

I know that the decision was theirs, but that's not the point. He wanted to share that celebration with me and I was cold to it.

Also, honest about what?

[unaluna]

Why didnt they tell you ahead of time about the party, and that they wanted you to attend with them? It sounds like you spent most of the day with them, and were ready to return home, when they told you about it? They need to realize, you are not a child who just mindlessly tags along with his elders any longer.

[Thirty shades]

Don't feel bad or guilty for what other people decide to do. It is not for anyone to make other peoples decisions. It is wonderful you were invited but you had every right to leave. You had a right to respect for your needs.

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Why didnt they tell you ahead of time about the party, and that they wanted you to attend with them? It sounds like you spent most of the day with them, and were ready to return home, when they told you about it? They need to realize, you are not a child who just mindlessly tags along with his elders any longer.

He probably just remembered. And don't get me wrong, they don't treat me like a child. At all. The way I see it, just like my wanting to leave for no apparent reason, his being insistent on me coming to the event is justified.

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

Don't feel bad or guilty for what other people decide to do. It is not for anyone to make other peoples decisions. It is wonderful you were invited but you had every right to leave. You had a right to respect for your needs.

Well, that's the thing. If it were just "other people", I wouldn't worry as much. But anyway, I apologized to my grandpa today, and before I could finish, he was like " Eh, I was feeling a bit lazy anyway". Dunno if he just said that to make me feel better, but it's enough that he cares.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by never. happy

Well, that's the thing. If it were just "other people", I wouldn't worry as much. But anyway, I apologized to my grandpa today, and before I could finish, he was like " Eh, I was feeling a bit lazy anyway". Dunno if he just said that to make me feel better, but it's enough that he cares.

It sounds like your grandpa could have gone if he wanted to, and maybe he did want to celebrate with you, but even if you can't get that exact moment back, you can do plenty to hang out with your grandpa if you want to and he will treasure those times I'm sure. ((Hugs)) if you want them.

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by never. happy

Well, that's the thing. If it were just "other people", I wouldn't worry as much. But anyway, I apologized to my grandpa today, and before I could finish, he was like " Eh, I was feeling a bit lazy anyway". Dunno if he just said that to make me feel better, but it's enough that he cares.

If only we could care less about what OTHER PEOPLE think, say and do to us.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by never. happy

He probably just remembered. And don't get me wrong, they don't treat me like a child. At all. The way I see it, just like my wanting to leave for no apparent reason, his being insistent on me coming to the event is justified.

Eh - i dont think he "just" remembered. I think it just never occurred to him that you wouldnt put grandpas desires first, that you might have desires of your own. So not so much that he treats you like a child, but that he didnt realize you are now a separate adult, even if you arent married or have other such traditional signifiers of independence?

I had a similar feeling of shock the first time a cousin's college age child did not attend Thanksgiving dinner, in favor of going on a vacation weekend with friends. Such a thing would have been absolutely forbidden in my generation.

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

It sounds like your grandpa could have gone if he wanted to, and maybe he did want to celebrate with you, but even if you can't get that exact moment back, you can do plenty to hang out with your grandpa if you want to and he will treasure those times I'm sure. ((Hugs)) if you want them.

Never gonna say no to hugs