My life is HELL on EARTH

I'm tortured by my memories and the feelings and shame guilt and anger they bring me . There's no escape from it .

My present is very bad . I can not function and carry out daily tasks that people need to do .
I can barely leave my home and if I do it has to be by car there and back .
I have no friends
My family won't help me
Professionals say I have to do all the work , they are not helping at all
I hate myself because of how I'm living ( or should I say how I'm not living )
I hate myself because of the memories
Even if it wasn't a memory of me doing something wrong
Alot of my memories are about people taking advantage of me or abusing me but it makes me hate myself because I allowed it to happen .
Ok I can't blame myself for things that happened to me when I was little but so many things happened as an adult and I blame myself that I let this happen or was too stupid and trusting to avoid it .

I was told to use the trigger icon but I don't have it on this device so I'll just type it
Trigger

Trigger

Trigger

Trigger

The suicidal thoughts are winning at the moment
It's true that part of me wants to live ......but not like this .....I know nothing will change or improve because I am severely damaged !!
The damage will never be undone !!
I'm an embarrassment to everyone and too myself
I don't even deserve to be alive
I'm wasting oxygen

What do mental health charities do ??
Apparently there are lots of mental health charities but what do they do ?

I can't even phone the Samaritans . Sigh

I'm so sorry, my friend.

Dear crying. Are you in the UK?

I've had a look on the Mind website, under I need Help Right Now.

They say if you're having suicidal thoughts, you need to either:

Get your GP to refer you to a Crisis Team.

Go to A&E, and they'll refer you to a Crisis Team.

As you're without a phone, you can now contact NHS 111 online. Here's the link NHS 111 - Error 500 [111.service.nhs.uk]

That's reading as an error. I'll try again!

https://111.nhs.uk/

Thank you . I can contact them without a phone ?

I believe you are strong and that you can survive this... I hope you'll be able to see this as well

Thank you and believe me I really am trying. Part of me wants to live but not like this . If only things could get better but I am so damaged I don't know how it ever will

What does strong mean? They sure as hell test all patience and strength... the n.s.

Yes. That link takes you straight to the page where they ask for your postcode, so they can identify your nearest Crisis Team. They can send an ambulance, too.

I'm worried about you, crying.

Also what does “crisis” mean?

Imo.. it’s whatever they (the n.s.) want it to mean, or not mean..

As you know, I’m not a fan of their “help”



I hope that somehow they help you though, like everyone, you deserve adequate help

As Fuzzy says, this is the NHS, so...

I haven't tried the online 111 but it's a possible way around the phone issue.

Big hugs.

Thank you for doing that research for me and sorry I forgot to say yes I am in the UK.
You all are like family , well you care more than family do anyway which touches my heart . I see people giving me support and then I see they are in crisis too. People in crisis that despite their own despair are trying to help others . That shows how special you all are and how none of us here deserve this .
I will try to get through this day and if o need to I will contact them

Thank you fuzzy .

Ambulance

Well, if they do send an ambulance, I hope they actually offer the HELP you need and deserve

But as purple said, this is the n.s.. so ..