Growing up?

jeez... by now some of you know I'm a grown man, still living w/mom well... it works out better that way since im her unofficial full time nurse...

yesterday i woke to her usual moaning (every utterance is a prayer ive heard) combined with some general mumbling about dis-satisfactions with me..

now, if she would come straight to me and explain, like an adult, what the issue is, i'd be happy to assist her any way i can... but it's that illegible grumpy moan she uses in the other room, then slamming drawers and such...

i told her, look mom, talk to me... isn't it obvious i care? no use, the match head was ignited and the fire she burned...

i refused/declined to spend any day with this dysfuntional family of mine... hey, i just can't take it... don't care what they think anymore.. gonna do what i do, continue to help mom even though she's appears ungrateful and blackened by all her experiences at times... i know they've been rough on her... but she's snapping at the wrong reasons... i still feel pity... and that, regardless of all logic, created this compassion... i mean, after, she's my mom... what am i supposed to do... walk away? i can't...

but no more b.s. from the sibs... her either... i'm a good guy... if they can't see that, then, oh well... but i'm not attempting in the sibs case anymore.. it's been ferociously futile... i'm no closer to them now than i was 29 years ago... time for me, and them, to grow... if they aren't coming on the ride... soyonara baby... best of luck...

all opinions subject to change...

Good for you. We can only do the best we can. If we know that and are happy with ourselves, sorry about you other guys :-)

NTR,
You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. I can tell what a wonderful person you are! I hope you are seeing a therapist to help you sort this all out and help you not internalize the things that your Mother is saying.
Take care!

"now, voyager" an old B/W Bette Davis film is good. Your post reminded me of it.

Perna: Thanks : ) ; yeah, i am feeling much better about it now... kind of freeing...

Soilaree... Thanks for saying Hi.. i saw something you posted recently and wanted to reply... but since we hadn't met yet and because of the forum it was in... well, i just decided it wouldn't be right at the moment... i'm glad we've met now...

I've been in so much therapy... it wasn't my time then... no, i just try to figure it out myself now.. paid some dues, learned some basics... they get me by.. gathering and sharing support at PC is my outlet and relief right now... some friends IRL hear my story... it's not always sad or mad... at times it richly Beautiful.. the tears of Joy i shed which were so long dammed...

Mouse: : ) Hi! Now i really wanna see the movie... but not able currently... care to share more? thank you very much... i don't use movies as scripture but they are huge in insights...

(((((((((nowheretorun)))))))
I wish there were some way I could help. You're mom is some lucky to have a son like you caring for her as you do.
Hang in there

that's exactly what i keep trying to tell her... some parents never learn... you being here helps Jacq... hope things are good in your corner

http://www.filmsite.org/nowv.html

Thanks Mouse! I read the description... yes, i can see some thematic similarities... my mom isn't as much the abusive sort as just life weary herself and her physical handicap is a real burden for her.. i understand her despair... but there's so much more here... never having attempted to heal herself, my attempts to help her are usually met with something like "thats another crazy idea of yours... why aren't you like everybody else?"

well, i know from experience my ideas aren't crazy, only crazy to her, because she's crazy but just can't see that.. guess that also is covered in the film though, isn't it? movie mom is "successful" materialistically but can't seem to see that her daughters illnesses are direct spin-offs to her own (the mothers)

i especially liked the Whitman quote 'Untold Want, By Life and Land Ne'er Granted, Now, Voyager, Sail Thou Forth to Seek and Find.'

Thanks again Mouse

Well done on taking a firm standpoint, even if it hurt you somewhat in the process. I felt positive reading your post - especially when you acknowledged your strong points.

You are very understanding and I certainly do hope that my son (almost 10) will turn out to be like you!

((((((((((((( nowheretorun )))))))))))))


Good post Perna!

that was so Great! to read Sabrina! Thank You! 10? it's been some time but i remember that innocent age... i bet he thinks the world of you! Sending warm thoughts (its cold in Broncos Country today)...

((((((((((((((((fuzzybear))))))))))))))) it's been so long since i had this many hugs from so many great and wonderful people All of PC

I hope my son is as compassionate and caring as you, I admire you greatly. My mother doesnt appreciate me either, I am having a break but feel guilty and will be calling her before long, I just HOPE i CAN SHOW THE SAME PATIENCE AS YOU.... love Jinny xxxx

you can Jinny... (i borrowed some of your strength to make it this far) ...

aww sweetie that is such a lovely thing to say....sending you BIG hugs, thankyou...always here for you, always....

Jin xxxxx

You know, he does think the world of me, yet I cannot fathom why. I have made and continue to make so many terrible mistakes as a mother. In light of your thread, I am sure you will understand. But I love him desperately and hope one day that he will forgive my issues! Just like you have done for you mother!

Cool here too ........ rain has been steadily falling for about 6 hours now and we're a week away from summer!! (I'm on the other side of the continent!)

I admire and respect you nowheretorun ........ been reading your posts for a while now and am glad that I have finally responded.

i'm glad too Sabrina... if only my real family had even some of the kindnesses as of many i've met here...

i remember at 10 i had never even thought of not liking/respecting/loving both of my parents unconditionally...

it wasnt til later on... maybe 14 or so, i disapproved when i found Dad somewhat embellishing his stories to make himself look a little bit more John Wayne than the way it really happened.. no biggie, but i wished he could just be honest...

with my mom it so different... they'd divorced and re-married years ago... her "accident" happened when I was 8 or 9... not enough of her left to go around to all the kids so i was "chosen" to live w/Dad... I loved Dad, didn't see that as a problem... but why me????

anyway, because of mom's condition i was incapable of finding fault with her.. she just seemed so victimized to me... years later i now am painfully aware of why DUI is wrong...

and she just didn't have much chance to get well... medicine then is not what it is now... everyone said it was a miracle she lived at all... but no insurance and having now 2 children (minus me) to raise and her then husband of the time decided to split... she just had to get back to work asap...

i was miles away, couldn't do anything to help her then...

recently her last child, my 1/2 sis, now 24 married and moved away... still nearby, but not in the house anymore... i was out travelling... things at mom's place fell into disrepair...

none of the other kids would do a thing to help... my older sis was too scarred from everything... she just wanted distance... still does...

my 1/2 bro... just a partyin', card playin, womanizin', mixed up not so young a man anymore... has that thing called charisma... people dote on him... with his busy life he has no time to help mom.. i'm real angry about that...

mom just tries to hold herself together... i'm so glad she could retire... but she needs help... she knows that... i even feel sorry that she knows she needs someone like she does... nothing changes the past... i just wnted to breath new life into the family... but no one seems to care but me...

I agree with Soliaree, you need to look out for yourself first. It's not selfish just very necessary to survive.

It is so easy to assimilate the negativity of those around us when we are run down and over extended. This seems especially true when our own family is involved. Without the support of your siblings the weight of your responsibilities becomes more intense.

While probably not as good as face to face therapy, if you have been able to find solace and support here that's a good thing.

Would you please say hello to the real mountains for me. The highest thing around here is the local landfill. I miss the eye candy and clean air the mountains have to offer.

I wish you the best of luck

hi kebs, its nice to hear from you

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It is so easy to assimilate the negativity of those around us when we are run down and over extended. This seems especially true when our own family is involved. Without the support of your siblings the weight of your responsibilities becomes more intense.

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exact... that is what i'm trying to prevent... to avoid this becoming co-dependant... i'm not gonna buy into the door slamming behavior... i believe in discussion and resolution... i admit my own temper tantrum behaviour at times though...

now i feel guilty that i don't allow her to have a bad moment of her own...