[gonegirl99]

My evil mother and enabling "golden" child sister are still doing the same ****. I started watching videos about narcissism to understand what I'm dealing with as a scapegoat. I try to go to certain forums to vent but the problem isn't getting any better. This net neutrality law really ****ed up resources for people like me so I'm dealing with slow internet. I wish they would die a slow and painful death. They've turned everyone in the extended family against me and no one bats an eye.

Now on to the job part, I meet he same kind of people at work. Narcissistic selfish coworkers who exclude me at any chance they can get because Im not considered "attractive" by society's standards. So I can barely make friends because nearly all of the people outside of home exhibit the same behavior. I can barely find a job to stay at long enough to save and move out. Last job I had when I stayed long enough the people gave me hell on earth; I tried my best to stay quiet and polite but it didn't work and I had to defend myself.

So people at home are nasty and outside of home. I have zero friends because at this point I've isolated myself. I have a low credit score due to student loans so can't just get a nice apartment like I would like. I have thoughts of severely hurting people because it's too much. But all people say is to call the police. I have those thoughts, no real plans.

[here today]

Sorry you're dealing with all this.

I came to this forum tonight because of my own sense of it all being too much. My situation is very different but the too much feels similar. Self-directed blame, based on family of origin blaming and me treating myself as I was treated, has been leaking outward into hatred of other people and humanity in general. I'm old but the family of origin stuff has stayed stuck in me, despite years of therapy.

Have you ever been hospitalized? That can actually sometimes be a kind of respite -- getting away from it all, a chance to think and to be with other people who may have similar issues and can at least empathize -- the other patients, not the clinicians, I mean! Sounds like you may be depressed enough to "pass" the intake interview, if you're interested. You can also call a crisis line probably and maybe they can help you figure out the best place to go and how to get there.