[MtnTime2896]

In a sea of people just like me, I feel so far away while I'm in the middle of the crowd. Everyone's around me and I'm sinking through the floor before any hand can reach out.

Yet, I feel like I'm crying wolf here. I feel as though I'm just being overdramatic and an overall joke. After all, wouldn't I've done it by now if I were going to? Wouldn't have last night been ample opportunity? But no, instead I got high off my *** to make myself too exhausted to do anything. Even then, I almost lost control, but I didn't and therefore can it really be that I want to die?

But I'm gonna be fine. I'm always going to be fine. What other option do I have if I'm too coward to do something about it? I have to be fine. And I have to keep this **** to myself. It's my weight, not anyone else's. I've been standing at these crossroads for years and I don't know if I'll ever pick a road. Maybe I'm frozen here.

On a side note, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get off my meds. Going to call my pdoc's office today/tomorrow and get instructions on how to wean myself off. Then I'm not going back to that pdoc. Maybe another one in the future but I'm not sticking with a guy who doesn't listen to a damn thing I say when I know myself better than he does.

Anyway, this has been a ramble. I just hope I can make a decision soon so I'm not frozen with this decision anymore.

[Fuzzybear]

((((( So leigheas )))))

I deleted my words. Just know I’m here fwiw

[Bill3]

It is okay to act conflicted.

I think that hesitation in the face of this decision is a perfectly reasonable response.

I am happy though that you weren’t able to act last night. Thanks for that!

Perhaps you don’t need to be frozen. Perhaps you can acknowledge the feelings but try to move ahead in your life anyways. The feelings can come along. You may be stuck with them for now, like an annoying neighbor at a party, but perhaps you can get on with stuff you need to do anyways.