Caring/Not Caring...All that Stuff

A lot of times it's easy to say "I don't care". I don't care about anything. I don't care if anything get's done. I don't care if I die. And honestly I found this to be untrue. I care. I care A LOT. Maybe too much. There are so many things in this world I care about, whether they're relevant to me or not. I care about everything from what I'll have for dinner to if that random kid on the other side of the earth gets what he wants for his birthday. It sounds kinda silly and insincere when it's exaggerated. But it's not really exaggerated. I have a lot of time to think, to think about what every person in the world is thinking, feeling, whether they're happy, have everything they need. And then the thought of some poor soul out there that just lost their dog makes me want to cry. There are a lot of things to care about. I mean something doesn't have to directly effect you right now to matter. Someone loosing there job in Canada doesn't effect me in any way, yet it's still a sad thought. You know I've always hated seeing going out of business signs, even when I don't like the business, because it means a whole bunch of people will be jobless. That explanation kinda went on for longer than it should have, but I was trying to give some perspective. It's not really an exaggeration, it only takes a 10 second sob story to get me running with a handful of money and a plate of cookies. So me saying I don't care if I die, or I don't care what happens when I die. Well that isn't the case. I care if i die of course. It's like when someone asks you what you want to eat, you respond with I don't care, then they suggest something you hate so you say not that. It's not that you don't care it's just that trying to compile what you do and don't want isn't worth the effort. The problem is that caring so much puts so much on top that it's crushing. Like having a mountain on top of you. It's too heavy to keep holding up so you just stop trying to force it and then let it fall, squish you, and say you can't feel it because denying that there's a mountain crushing you is easier to say than trying to explain what the mountain is, what it's doing , and how much it hurts.

Because in truth, I am that monster.
We are an awkward little system that obsesses over things. We are Sam, Beyond, Stacy, Kevin, Kitty, Shannon,Link, Peyita, Stephen, Nicole, Damon, Pumpkin, Illonor, Daran,LIly. Feel free to send random cute things.

hugs

Many hugs and much love to you

Yeah. I hear you. (((hugs))) kit

Yes, me and a guy downstairs sometimes talk about things like that, rise13eyond. How a child or a family in another part of the world is really struggling - say, in the bombed out ruins of a war-torn country, for example. Little water or food, plumbing, medical care, etc. And in the end we realize, we have to thank our lucky stars.

((((rise13eyond)))) I understand how you feel.

Yes, we live in a very sad world. I just sit and think damn, what more can I do? But in this position...there's not much I can do, not for people far away anyway. I'm not gonna go into specifics, but I'm not just sitting on my butt and complaining, I do do things, just not as much as I wish I could. It's an awful powerless feeling. And I think i just have waaaaay too much time to think about it.

Because in truth, I am that monster.
We are an awkward little system that obsesses over things. We are Sam, Beyond, Stacy, Kevin, Kitty, Shannon,Link, Peyita, Stephen, Nicole, Damon, Pumpkin, Illonor, Daran,LIly. Feel free to send random cute things.

((((((Hugs))))))