[cryingontheinside]

I decided to open up and talk why my depression is getting worse .
I have 2 teenage daughters both not living with me because of my mh. I get to see them so I'm lucky in that way but...
My daughters first lived with me and their dad then me then their dad because of me struggling with mh.
Their dad then put my younger daughter in care after she reported that his gf was emotionally and physically hurting her . older daughter with learning disabilities stayed with her father. I tried to get custody of both daughters but failed assessment due to my mh
My younger daughter then lived with my mum and that placement broke down . she stayed with me for 3 weeks while they decided what to do . ( this was recent ) now she's living with her aunt and uncle . she is depressed and there's not much i can do to help , i wish there was .
My older daughter with Autism is gonna be placed in supported living because her dad says he can't help . i don't want this. I want them both with me but my mh is the problem .
So my mental health is trapping me . i am useless . I want my children with me and for them to be happy . why do i have to have mental health problems ???
Well i know why its because of my bad childhood and all the abuse that happened to me . caused me to have bpd and depression .
I have no friends , little support , can barely look after myself and i make myself sick worrying about my daughters and hating myself for having mental health and not being able .
So this is why my depression is worse than ever. i don't know if anyone can relate.
Pls don't judge me , my fear of being judged is the reason i didn't right this sooner

[cryingontheinside]

I struggle to get through each day . I'm not comfortable in my own skin either . I'm lonely . I'm isolsted. Im in my own little prison . i can't work , i have agaraphobia too .

Do you have a counselor or trusted friend to talk to? I’m so sorry you’re facing so many difficulties.

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Do you have a counselor or trusted friend to talk to? I’m so sorry you’re facing so many difficulties.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone . no friends and no therapist or councilor . I ring samaritan sometimes but most of them seem bored and try to get me off the phone fast . a few are really amazing but lucky to get through to those ones

every day does get harder.

for me life is like a groundhog day

if it happens one day, you can garantee the following day will be the same

nothing really left to look forward to

[Fuzzybear]

[MtnTime2896]

MI is truly a beast that strips us of things people who don't suffer with MI take for granted.

I'm so sorry, my friend. Maybe if you can get a counselor, the counselor can help you heal enough to have your kids back.