depression-custody-and divorce

I thought at the start of my divorce and custody battle that my health records would not be disclosed. I was very wrong. When there are issues of mental illness and it affects your children, the Courts can order copies of medical records. This seems unfair and I think it is but the courts look at is as an safety issue. I have tried to end my life before; my husband at this time came home 2hrs early that day from work. I guess someone was looking out for me that day because I ended up in I.C.U for almost a week. I would have died if he did not come home early that day. So my history shows instability, the courts have a right to get ahold of my records. Just to let you all know; IT SUCKS!!! Nobody considers the reasons why I attempted suicide. My husband was violent. After he had beat me into a wall and choked me, I just had enough, I wanted to die. I guess when you hear over and over, how bad of a person you are, you start to believe it. We may not be together anymore but I still live this. Our children will bind us together and I have to see and talk to him on a regular basis. Not to long ago, he left my 6 year old home alone. I just happened to phone over at the time he did this. I was horrified to have my son answer in tears as he was scared to be alone. My son has medical issues and has had many struggles. I went over to my ex-husbands to sit with my son until his father returned. When he did return; he flew off the handle because I was there. He backed me up into a corner and I tried desperately to get out. I managed to talk him down a bit and made it to the stairs towards the door. He pushed me down the stairs. I got up and went outside. He kept pushing me down all the while my little boy was standing right there. It made me sick to see my precious child watching this all over again as he did when we were married. It's amazing what this man has gotten away from; but money does talk in this world. His family is very wealthy and this has hurt me in Court. He has the best of the best lawyer.
My kids are the world to me. I always say that they are the bright stars to a dark and gloomy night; for me. I treasure every moment we share together. They are what has kept me here this long. I NEED HELP SO BAD!!!! I AM DROWNING RIGHT NOW AND CAN'T GET HELP. This is hard for others to understand; I have lost so much already; if I get help and its recorded that I have suicidal ideation; I might as well throw in the towel now. Please all of you that read this, I beg you to understand. Its been a battle that I just can't win and it kills me more and more each day to see what my kids endure. My soul is gone, its just my body now. I just want to know whatever decision that I make; my kids will be okay. They can't be in this mess anymore.
Thanks for listening.
Elizabeth

I'm going to repeat what I said before...

If your mental health is an issue in your custody hearings... by not getting treatment you are allowing the judge a reason to consider your children's safety... and moreover, by not getting treatment you may actually really be hurting your children, emotionally at least.

If you get treatment you show the court that you are willing to work to keep yourself well for the benefit of your children.

You are thinking it is a tradeoff between custody of your kids and your own mental health... one or the other. In fact, avoiding treatment is bad for you and bad for your kids, custody results or not. And getting treatment will help you, help your children, and give you a better shot at custody.

Expecially if the mental issues are already "out of the bag" with respect to the courts. If you don't show an attempt to help yourself get better, what would give the court any reason to think you are currently stable if it was in question before? More importantly what makes you think you would be stable enough to raise your children without help? Don't think of this decision as "how to bamboozle the judge" but rather how to give your children the environment they need to grow up healthy.

itsjustme... you need help with this... with your depression and with the decisions ahead of you. We can give you support but we cannot give you the legal or the medical advice that you need.

I really think you should call your health care professional and get his advice immediately or call a hotline to help decide what is best.

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--http://www.idexter.com

I know what you are saying but you have not been in this life. My life is not any more difficult than other; don't get me wrong. I believe that I am lucky to have learned what I have. What you don't know is everything that has happened and what makes it hard to cope. It's not so easy to just walk in and say; hey I need help. I am not asking for medical or professional advice; I just need to vent. You also don't know what kind of a mother I am. I am very close to my kids. We have a strong bond. But do you see their sad faces when I have to take them to their dads? The messages I get from them when I am not home. No, You don't. This battle that we have gone through has taken alot away from me. I want to be with my kids for many years to come, but what's all going on in my life; the faith has gone. My ex-husband does not know what is going on with me at this time; or I would never see my kids. I do not neglect them in anyway; its the opposite. I have learned over time how to put on my happy face; not to show them what they do not need to see. And yes, I would give away my health to have them happy.
Thanks again.
Elizabeth