[cosmospanda]

What do you do when you feel like giving up? Do you go to the kitchen and eat away the food? Make your way to the bathroom and watch your emotions go down the drain? Do you meet people from Tinder and have one night stands? Do you go for long drives at night? Spend money as if it's an itch you have to scratch?

Possible trigger:

Cut yourself to the point you need stitches?

Do things you know you'll regret just to feel refreshed and alive again?

I feel like with every yes I answer to those questions, I'm burying myself as if I'm already dead. In a way, I'm digging my own grave, but I don't know that.

I try to sleep but am visited by the monsters under my bed, the ones I'm told are only in my head. I don't know which voice in my head is mine and I don't know what is the right thing to do. They're all conflicting. Go drive, go buy coffee, go drink yourself into a stouper, go meet this stranger because he'll make you feel loved for the night,

Possible trigger:

go kill yourself.

Go, go, go...I don't feel comfortable with staying still. I'm running from something and these voices, these monsters, all of this, is caused by things i cannot name.

I don't remember the events that caused this in detail. They're there. Like these emotions I'm running from. I don't know how to articulate my memories or feelings.

I just want to sleep for awhile and pretend everything is normal. Too bad my dreams are nightmares and I'll just be reminded of reality when I awake. Whatever that is anyway.

Rant over. I'm just oversensitive.

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, keep fighting, keep battling on, and keep reaching out please. As long as a person is searching, then slowly the answers may come. I do believe that.

[bharani1008]

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I feel for you. I've been there so many times. But recently for some reason I'm getting better after 10 years of meds and suicidal feelings so don't give up. One step at a time. Find the things that keep your mind busy and we'll all be there for you

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by cosmospanda

What do you do when you feel like giving up? Do you go to the kitchen and eat away the food? Make your way to the bathroom and watch your emotions go down the drain? Do you meet people from Tinder and have one night stands? Do you go for long drives at night? Spend money as if it's an itch you have to scratch?

Possible trigger:

Cut yourself to the point you need stitches?

Do things you know you'll regret just to feel refreshed and alive again?

I feel like with every yes I answer to those questions, I'm burying myself as if I'm already dead. In a way, I'm digging my own grave, but I don't know that.

I try to sleep but am visited by the monsters under my bed, the ones I'm told are only in my head. I don't know which voice in my head is mine and I don't know what is the right thing to do. They're all conflicting. Go drive, go buy coffee, go drink yourself into a stouper, go meet this stranger because he'll make you feel loved for the night,

Possible trigger:

go kill yourself.

Go, go, go...I don't feel comfortable with staying still. I'm running from something and these voices, these monsters, all of this, is caused by things i cannot name.

I don't remember the events that caused this in detail. They're there. Like these emotions I'm running from. I don't know how to articulate my memories or feelings.

I just want to sleep for awhile and pretend everything is normal. Too bad my dreams are nightmares and I'll just be reminded of reality when I awake. Whatever that is anyway.

Rant over. I'm just oversensitive.

I used to be pretty much exactly like this - I can strongly relate to you. Only, I was always able to remember my past and never went on long drives (mostly bc I fear having a seizure while driving).

Perhaps it would benefit you to write down what you remember of your nightmares and/or write letters (that you do not send) to those who hurt you describing how you were before the trauma, what they did and how it made you feel during the act in as much detail as you can recall, how it affected you directly after in as much detail as you can recall, how it still affects you in as much detail as you can describe, and what you would need from them in order to go on with life in a healthy way. You write the letters at a slow pace because they are hard to write and emotionally provoking and you will cry - stop and allow yourself to cry and calm before continuing more. After it is done, read it several times until you can do so without blocking, scanning over, or crying - but truly reading and not crying but experiencing it for what it is and nothing more. Then go on to the next trauma...

These are wats that helped me, perhaps they can you as well ❤