I found this online and found it to ring true for me on very depressed days.

Depression is:

Wanting to be alone,
but not wanting to feel lonely.
Being too tired to get out of bed,
but having your mind so full of thoughts you are unable to sleep.
Wanting to be with friends,
but feeling unable to socialize.
Worrying about everything,
but at the same time caring about nothing.
Wanting someone to understand how you feel and why,
but being unable to put "numb" into words.


Would anyone like to share, in your own words, what depression feels like or means for you?

I have always described my depression like being in a crowded elevator (but in sted of passengers, they are thoughts)

you can't open the door because it's stuck (can't escape the thoughts), and their is no breathing space

[metalchick]

Exactly what you wrote. Its irony. Don't you think? Like we know what we want and need to be happy and healthy, but it just doesn't go our way.

So, my original post was something I found online but there's a lot of truth to it.

Here's my own personal description of what depression feels like for me:

When I sink far enough, I find myself in what I call "the other dimension." It is a strange place which somehow looks exactly like my current surroundings, whatever they may be at the time, but something is radically different...something has shifted.

There is light but it isn't "normal" or healthy light. It fluctuates between searing fluorescence and darkness. How can light be dark?? I don't know but it happens in the other dimension.

There are walls all around me there but they are invisible; I can see out and people can see in. But they don't see what I see or feel in the other dimension. My senses are present in the other dimension yet altered. For example, I could hear one of my favorite songs...my ears hear it but my spirit cannot respond to it...cannot draw any joy or solace from it. My spirit is somehow disconnected from my senses...from my own self.

In the other dimension, it is never clear how or why I wound up there or when/if I will leave. Until, at some point, I realize I am not actually there anymore. I may not leave for long. I may be residing very close to the other dimension. But at times, I just realize that I am not currently behind those walls.

I could go on but you folks probably heard enough about the other dimension!!!

Originally Posted by metalchick

Exactly what you wrote. Its irony. Don't you think? Like we know what we want and need to be happy and healthy, but it just doesn't go our way.

Agreed! Irony is a huge part of it which is very difficult to convey to people who have never felt that way. Of course I am glad they have never felt that way because I would not wish depression on anyone!

If you saw me, you wouldn't think I am depressed (well, maybe if I haven't trimmed my beard for a while). In reality, everything is too much work. I just recently cleaned up my apartment for the first time in 3 weeks!! Most of the time I have no mood to talk to anyone. I sleep at daytime, and stay awake all night. I don't sleep more than 8 hours, but I have no energy to do anything other than sitting and surfing the Internet and watching YouTube and Netflix. I don't go out very much, unless for necessities. I think I have some apathetic tendencies that I don't care about anything or anyone at this stage, but I get very sensitive and cry when watching emotional videos or scenes.

[roske1]

Originally Posted by Sans Nom

I could go on but you folks probably heard enough about the other dimension!!!

Wow, HL - your description was amazing and really resonated with me. All of my perceptions are *completely* off when I'm in an episode, though again you put it so eloquently. One of the strongest things that are warped (and in overdrive) for me are my memories (virtually all memories), which has always been tough to deal with since, outside of depressive episodes, I've had a very happy, full life (i.e., no abuse, childhood traumas, etc.). It's so strange, because I'm always able to look back fondly on (almost) all of my memories when I'm not in the "other" dimension.

PS This is my very first post here so please correct any... missteps.

[Sunflower123]

Major depression feels to me like I’ve lost all of my loved ones and everything else that matters to me in life and all that is left is bleakness. It’s excruciating.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by roske1

Wow, HL - your description was amazing and really resonated with me. All of my perceptions are *completely* off when I'm in an episode, though again you put it so eloquently. One of the strongest things that are warped (and in overdrive) for me are my memories (virtually all memories), which has always been tough to deal with since, outside of depressive episodes, I've had a very happy, full life (i.e., no abuse, childhood traumas, etc.). It's so strange, because I'm always able to look back fondly on (almost) all of my memories when I'm not in the "other" dimension.

PS This is my very first post here so please correct any... missteps.

Hello and a warm welcome to you!

[imaginethat]

Depression makes me feel dead inside. I want so much to feel happy, but it seems impossible.

Today depression feels like being crushed.

[downandlonely]

For me it's mainly fatigue. I don't have the energy to do anything. I also can't focus much on anything.

[Carmina]

I tried to describe it in a poem

Famine

Depression is a famine of the soul

Originally Posted by Carmina

I tried to describe it in a poem

Famine

Depression is a famine of the soul

Wow Carmina. Thank you for sharing your poem. Would it surprise you if I call it beautiful? It is certainly filled with the darkness of depression but I found your self-expression and courage to share very beautiful. I have never thought of depression as like a famine but now that you have pointed that out, I find it very apt.

I am really struggling today but before I log off the forum for a while, I want to thank everyone on the thread for sharing your truth. I was struck by the uniqueness of each poster's experiences and I also find beauty in that. That said, if I could wave a wand for all of you and make your depression go away, I would. Take good care of yourselves. I may post more ideas later.

*Please note that I am intentionally not replying to this thread with suggestions for depression management because I don't think this is the place for that.* I think we folks living with depression need a place to simply share our candid truth. However, I've created several other threads with ideas and strategies for feeling better if you are interested.

Be well

"Hope"

[T4bbyCat]

A type of pain that deadens everything and paints everything in the worst light. Any bad thing is magnified and worsens the feeling, while any good thing is viewed as suspect and temporary. There's also a sense of impending doom, as though things can suddenly become far worse with no notice.

Originally Posted by T4bbyCat

A type of pain that deadens everything and paints everything in the worst light. Any bad thing is magnified and worsens the feeling, while any good thing is viewed as suspect and temporary. There's also a sense of impending doom, as though things can suddenly become far worse with no notice.

I agree. Particularly about the "impending doom." That can sneak up on me out of nowhere for no apparent reason.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Major depression feels to me like I’ve lost all of my loved ones and everything else that matters to me in life and all that is left is bleakness. It’s excruciating.

Hi Jennifer. Your comment here reminded me of the final part of a poem I really like. The poem's theme is a little different from our discussion but I thought I'd share it anyway in case you like it...

What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude.
It was like being exhumed, I answered, and brought to life in a flash of brilliance.
What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy.
It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence.
What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow. There was a long pause before I responded:
It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me - said all at once.
- Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure

Although she seems to be describing loss of someone else, I often think of depression as losing myself at times. I don't think there's anything more frightening to me than when strong "Hope" disappears and then I'm left with depressed "Hope" dwelling in the other dimension. So, if we re-read the poem and think of "him" as the self instead, then it's actually quite a good representation of how depression can feel like experiencing tremendous losses all at once.

Did any Harry Potter fans feel reminded of depression when they encountered the Dementors?

And then the thing beneath the hood, whatever it was, drew a long, slow, rattling breath, as though it were trying to suck something more than air from its surroundings...
"It was horrible," said Neville, in a higher voice than usual. "Did you feel how cold it got when it came in?"
"I felt weird," said Ron, shifting his shoulders uncomfortably. "Like I'd never be cheerful again."

As soon as Ron said that I thought: Wow! That's what it feels like when I'm really depressed! I desperately tell myself this will pass just like all the other times throughout my life...but when I sink I truly feel as though I've entirely lost the capacity for joy.

Does anyone remember what one of the teachers recommended that Harry take for comfort after a Dementor attack?

Any mothers or fathers on this thread? I am not a parent but when I read this poem I thought it sounded like post-partum depression...she seems to feel detached from the baby. There isn't an air of joy and bonding after the birth but rather distance or fear. I speculate of course. I have not experienced post-partum and can only imagine how confusing and painful that must be.

Morning Song

Love set you going like a fat gold watch.
The midwife slapped your footsoles, and your bald cry
Took its place among the elements.

Our voices echo, magnifying your arrival. New statue.
In a drafty museum, your nakedness
Shadows our safety. We stand round blankly as walls.

I’m no more your mother
Than the cloud that distills a mirror to reflect its own slow
Effacement at the wind’s hand.

All night your moth-breath
Flickers among the flat pink roses. I wake to listen:
A far sea moves in my ear.

One cry, and I stumble from bed, cow-heavy and floral
In my Victorian nightgown.
Your mouth opens clean as a cat’s. The window square

Whitens and swallows its dull stars. And now you try
Your handful of notes;
The clear vowels rise like balloons.

- Sylvia Plath

My depression is a mislead and fearful saddening. I live knowing my life will only ever be so fulfilled. I live my life as if I have already died and will soon be forgotten. I live my life knowing that my oppressors are out there, separate from me and my home. I will continue to grasp at every thing life has to offer me and I will continue seeking self-discipline and forgiveness

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you sdo much for making this thread, HopefullyLost1211! And thank you everyone for sharing your stories. I hope they will help someone here at PC. I don't know if I have depression or not, but often I just feel numb and discouraged. Like there's no point in doing anything... and in the end, that's what I end up doing: nothing. I'm so sorry for all of those who are struggling. Sending many hugs to everyone

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Thank you sdo much for making this thread, HopefullyLost1211! And thank you everyone for sharing your stories. I hope they will help someone here at PC. I don't know if I have depression or not, but often I just feel numb and discouraged. Like there's no point in doing anything... and in the end, that's what I end up doing: nothing. I'm so sorry for all of those who are struggling. Sending many hugs to everyone

Thank you for the thoughtful post MickeyCheeky. It sounds like you may be experiencing some depression. It has often led me to feel numb...a psychologist said the numbness is a sign that my mind is so overwhelmed by intense emotions...so the mind numbs out temporarily almost like a coping response.

Apathy and feeling like "there's no point in doing anything" also sounds like depression...either anhedonia or a sense of despair. However, I am not a doctor. And you know I wouldn't try to diagnose. I recommend a consultation with a psychologist if you are open to it. I typically avoid offering strategies on this particular thread so it's remains a place to share the feelings...but since you aren't sure what you're dealing with I felt a duty of care to recommend a consultation.

I am so sorry you feel this way Mickey, that's very challenging. I wish you peace and joy. Please be patient and kind with your Self.

[Mopey]

I think the simplest way I can put it is just that it feels BAD. REALLY BAD. And there’s not much hope it’ll ever get better. 😢

[sarahsweets]

It feels like you are walking around with a school backpack overloaded and overflowing with heavy physics and chemistry books.

Third of the time I feel closer to myself than anyone or anything else.