Life's been generous to me... so much that I've been showing symptoms of bipolar disorder. (self-diagnosis.) It's no longer just depression, it's getting worse, it's (hypo?)mania. I am feeling great and bad at the same time...

Toast to that.

Get it by yourself because nobody want to help
But when I’m reaching for the belt I keep it ringin' like a bell
But I can tell they wanted something faker, with makeup
I'm making amends for my sins with a hyphen
I break it like a hymen
When I spit then pay attention not to mention none of it
With a reel of caution
I'm living lawless...
I'm ****ing flawless
I want it all and I bet I finna' get it
I've been living like a suicidal patient
Pacing in my isolation
I can barely even think
So I've been giving the truth
Looking for some peace of mind
So can I get it from you
A negative type of do
No, I never had a crew

Crap's truly getting worse... I need more medications.

I don't know, really.

I was lonely and suicidal way before I was grown
Now my adult years are filled with fears and animosity
I repress my emotions so that they will not affect me
I've done that **** for a minute but now I think I'm defecting
Reflecting on my regrets I gotta find a way to deal with them
To get out of the darkness become a productive citizen
I'll never run away from my pain I prefer to live in it

I am a lesser human being...

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, TheLonelyChemist Please don't give up. Things can get better. You're kind, smart and you're a wonderful person. I'm sure you'll be able to achieve your dream. Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Remember that we're here to support you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[Thirty shades]

TLC, nice to see you are back...

I once felt sure I had bipolar...
It turned out I did not...

Our moods can be prone to swinging up and down...
Emotional trauma can do this...

We are here for you

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry you're struggling, TheLonelyChemist Please don't give up. Things can get better. You're kind, smart and you're a wonderful person. I'm sure you'll be able to achieve your dream. Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Remember that we're here to support you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

My dream is to well... I don't even know anymore. Drug discovery? Being content? Living life like a king? Don't even know. I am just craving for socialization, which is superficial yet addictive.

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

TLC, nice to see you are back...

I once felt sure I had bipolar...
It turned out I did not...

Our moods can be prone to swinging up and down...
Emotional trauma can do this...

We are here for you

Thanks Thirty Shades. I came back (from the dead?) for all of you.

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Life's been generous to me... so much that I've been showing symptoms of bipolar disorder. (self-diagnosis.) It's no longer just depression, it's getting worse, it's (hypo?)mania. I am feeling great and bad at the same time...

Toast to that.

Crap's truly getting worse... I need more medications.

Your antidepressant could be the cause. When I was on higher doses of Bupropion (now I only take 100 mg a day), it was definitely making me manic or hypo. From my POV, you might want to consider reducing doses of your current medications before adding more (with doctor approval). Sorry you are struggling.

[MickeyCheeky]

Socialization is a good thing to start with, TheLonelyChemist I'm sure you'll be able to do that. Please don't give up. I agree with Nowinners. Perhaps your meds are affecting your mood. Check it out if you can. Sending many hugs to you

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs to you Thelonelychemist.

Originally Posted by Nowinners

Your antidepressant could be the cause. When I was on higher doses of Bupropion (now I only take 100 mg a day), it was definitely making me manic or hypo. From my POV, you might want to consider reducing doses of your current medications before adding more (with doctor approval). Sorry you are struggling.

I am from India and here doctors don't usually tell what they're treating unless it's something like cancer. Psychiatric disorders are best kept a secret, with body language observation and all such follow the formula of "Ignorance is bliss" so the psychiatrist doesn't get irritated.

So I am on supposedly three antipsychotics. All three could be placebos or I could really be on an antipsychotic. Anything. Thanks for your valueable input regardless.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Socialization is a good thing to start with, TheLonelyChemist I'm sure you'll be able to do that. Please don't give up. I agree with Nowinners. Perhaps your meds are affecting your mood. Check it out if you can. Sending many hugs to you

I don't know really. That soundtrack describes my mood perfectly... I am also suffering from a probable imposter syndrome... such is my life.