[MtnTime2896]

I'm gonna be home alone tonight. First time in a while. Not gonna lie everyone, I'm scared. My depression feeds off loneliness and unpredictable nights. I've already started crying again, I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of that tonight. I'm sick, so I'll probably drown myself in cough syrup and pass out.

Things will be okay. They have to be. I have to be.

[Fuzzybear]

So leigheas

[Thirty shades]

((((Só leigheas))))

I am sorry you have a bug...
Big hug

[Sunflower123]

((((( Hugs )))))

[Mopey]

Breathe, focus. Breathe, focus sweetheart. Don't think. I'll be holding you in my heart. One minute at a time.

[MtnTime2896]

Took it a minute at a time. Didn't sleep well, but I made it through the night.

Thank you all for being here.

[mountainstream]

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Took it a minute at a time. Didn't sleep well, but I made it through the night.

Thank you all for being here.

((((((( Good For You! You see? You can do it.))))))

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you, my friend Please forgive me. I'm glad you've made it through the night. I know you are strong. You can do everything. Please don't be afraid to ask for help here. You know we won't judge you here. You're a wonderful person. I hope you're feeling a bit better. Stay strong, Sò leigheas. Stay safe and take care of yourself. I care about you, my friend. We allo love you here, please remember that. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[MtnTime2896]

My mom just left. I'm alone again.

Every time I'm alone I break down anymore. I'm breaking down a little right now.

I never used to be like this. Hell, I used to love my alone time because it gave me peace. Now it just hurts.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( So leigheas )))))))))

[Mopey]

Why has your mom left, So? Has she perhaps gone to work? Or for some other reason?

[Hopepraylove]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I'm gonna be home alone tonight. First time in a while. Not gonna lie everyone, I'm scared. My depression feeds off loneliness and unpredictable nights. I've already started crying again, I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of that tonight. I'm sick, so I'll probably drown myself in cough syrup and pass out.

Things will be okay. They have to be. I have to be.

Believe me or not,even when I'm surrounded by my family n friends,I still think the worst of me n I'm still lonely.I keep thinking why am I here,I am such a burden.
They would never understand the pain,the torture.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Why has your mom left, So? Has she perhaps gone to work? Or for some other reason?

She doesn't live with me. She was just visiting.

[MickeyCheeky]

How are you doing today, Sò leigheas? I hope you're doing a bit better. Please don't give up. Try to hang on. Try to find some distractions if you can. Anything that could help you get through the day. I'm here for you as well if you need it. You know I'm always here for you if you need to talk. You know I won't judge you. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Stay strong, my friend. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I used to love my alone time because it gave me peace. Now it just hurts.

Any thoughts on the change?

[MtnTime2896]

Today is alright, but I'm also not alone. My MI doesn't disappear at the presence of others, I just can distract myself ever so slightly.

My thoughts on the change... well I guess I've changed a lot over the years. Before, I was in a pretty one-sided relationship and being alone was how I felt constantly anyway. I still feel like I'm separated from everyone, even when they're close. At the same time, I don't feel unloved for the first time in maybe my entire life. I have this best friend I live with and she makes things easier, or at least makes me feel like it's okay to not be okay. When I'm alone, it's not okay. When I'm around almost anyone else, it's not okay. But she makes me feel like I'm not a freak show. Maybe that's stupid because I know I am.

I think what's happened is I actually connected with someone and now I feel empty when it's not present. Does that make sense?

[Mopey]

I think it’s wonderful you have found someone you are comfortable with and who supports you. And personally I think it’s quite natural to miss them then when they are gone. But hopefully they will be back.

Just wondering, if you were to pay attention to the thoughts you start to have when your loved one is not there, is there any thought in particular you could identify?

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Mopey

I think it’s wonderful you have found someone you are comfortable with and who supports you. And personally I think it’s quite natural to miss them then when they are gone. But hopefully they will be back.

Just wondering, if you were to pay attention to the thoughts you start to have when your loved one is not there, is there any thought in particular you could identify?

Now I have to be with myself. And now my mind can have me.

[Mopey]

Yes, I think I know what you mean. I struggle with similar demons. Do you know what yours are?

And I think you probably have noticed on this forum that many others fear their own dark sides as well. A thread I’ve seen recently refers to “my snake” or “my inner snake”. Posters have discussed various ways of dealing with this inner implacable enemy.

One classic technique which I am currently trying is simply to allow it to speak. Be aware of what it is saying and make note of it, but neither fight with it nor engage with it. There is a deeper part of you that will be able to do this without words, just awareness, which over time may lessen the power of these frightening thoughts over you. 🌹

[FriendlyJoe]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Today is alright, but I'm also not alone. My MI doesn't disappear at the presence of others, I just can distract myself ever so slightly.


My thoughts on the change... well I guess I've changed a lot over the years. Before, I was in a pretty one-sided relationship and being alone was how I felt constantly anyway. I still feel like I'm separated from everyone, even when they're close. At the same time, I don't feel unloved for the first time in maybe my entire life. I have this best friend I live with and she makes things easier, or at least makes me feel like it's okay to not be okay. When I'm alone, it's not okay. When I'm around almost anyone else, it's not okay. But she makes me feel like I'm not a freak show. Maybe that's stupid because I know I am.


I think what's happened is I actually connected with someone and now I feel empty when it's not present. Does that make sense?

Sounds like you really love her.

I live with my best friend as well. But I would love to be more than that. I've always had this emptiness in my life. Whenever I'm with her though I feel great and enjoy whatever it is we are doing.

I'm 38 and I've never met someone that understood me and had the same views on topics that no one else could grasp. So yes it makes total sense to me.

Also your not a freak show or stupid. I don't feel that way about myself and I'm going through the same thing as what you wrote.

Hang in there

[Mopey]

I should add to this, So, that I am no sort of mental health professional, just a veteran of a lifetime of struggling with terrible depression and various other associated blessings. I don’t know and can’t prescribe for your own particular diagnosis, which I believe from what I’ve read of your posts in the past may include dissociative disorder.

So what I’m saying is that I can only relate to you as one struggling human being to another, and as such I will try my very best to be helpful. The absolute last thing I would ever intend to do is injure you further. 🌹