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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 10:13 AM
  #1
I did not think I was depressed. But I have really struggled a lot in the area of social anhedonia. I find that not wanting to do social stuff makes me act on that feeling. So I don't do most social things, especially lately. I find that...even with a particular social group I love, I feel good, better, there. But I just can't get myself to do more, unless I really push myself. And I am super resistant. I do not know why. Though in my past, long ago, I felt forced by my parents to do social things that I did not want to do and that were not a good fit for me.

I feel very frustrated. I am envious of people who are happy and enjoying life (which leads me to think I AM depressed), and I find myself thinking about the s word, though it is not a serious consideration, just a fleeting thought, it is probably an indicator that I'm sick / depressed again, and should talk to my doctor and therapist.
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 07:15 PM
  #2
I am not a psychiastrist but someone who went and is going through a much lighter depressive syndrome. What you described reminded me of myself. Depression isnt linear or equal to everybody.
Just try to find a good doctor and get a proper diagnosis and treatment.
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Default Mar 10, 2019 at 07:25 PM
  #3
Thank you mulan.
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Default Mar 14, 2019 at 12:20 AM
  #4
Yes. Apathy and social disinterest are signs of depression.

Have you had a look at the DSM criteria for diagnosing depression?
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Default Mar 14, 2019 at 11:43 AM
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Default Mar 14, 2019 at 01:53 PM
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Default Mar 14, 2019 at 03:52 PM
  #7
Thank you for the hugs mountainstream and Fuzzybear. Hugs back.

Hi Bill. No, I have not looked at the DSM V. I think deep down I knew it was a depression symptom. I don't know why I posed it as a question. I did want to know what people thought. I know it's a symptom of many things, and perhaps a better question would be "IS this depression or something else?" However, some days have passed and it seems I have been depressed. Low energy, holing up in my home, not wanting to do things, and negative thoughts.

Update:

I think I need to find acceptance of this symptom. Its something I've experienced for a long time. Anxiety over social things doesn't help either. It's a ball of anxiety and depression all telling me to stay home.

I find that caffeine helps me and I've been drinking coffee lol. I also find that talking to others does help, as well as getting myself to exercise. It's starting to be nicer outside, and I want to be in nature badly.

I talked to my therapist today. We talked about exercise (finding something I enjoy doing in that area) and volunteering, and just keeping on keeping on. Therapists do not have magic wands. Lol. I sometimes tell people, out of reassurance, that I'll "Talk to my therapist about this." I do not think my therapist has a magic wand, at least. Sometimes we are what were are, life is what it is, and that's ok. I tend to think of the word patience in my self work. Patience is important, as well as...patting myself on the back more. We actually spent a lot of the session talking about my interest in working with kids. It felt like a lighter topic. However, we did problem solve a little too
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Default Mar 14, 2019 at 07:32 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ptak View Post
Thank you for the hugs mountainstream and Fuzzybear. Hugs back.

Hi Bill. No, I have not looked at the DSM V. I think deep down I knew it was a depression symptom. I don't know why I posed it as a question. I did want to know what people thought. I know it's a symptom of many things, and perhaps a better question would be "IS this depression or something else?" However, some days have passed and it seems I have been depressed. Low energy, holing up in my home, not wanting to do things, and negative thoughts.

Update:

I think I need to find acceptance of this symptom. Its something I've experienced for a long time. Anxiety over social things doesn't help either. It's a ball of anxiety and depression all telling me to stay home.

I find that caffeine helps me and I've been drinking coffee lol. I also find that talking to others does help, as well as getting myself to exercise. It's starting to be nicer outside, and I want to be in nature badly.

I talked to my therapist today. We talked about exercise (finding something I enjoy doing in that area) and volunteering, and just keeping on keeping on. Therapists do not have magic wands. Lol. I sometimes tell people, out of reassurance, that I'll "Talk to my therapist about this." I do not think my therapist has a magic wand, at least. Sometimes we are what were are, life is what it is, and that's ok. I tend to think of the word patience in my self work. Patience is important, as well as...patting myself on the back more. We actually spent a lot of the session talking about my interest in working with kids. It felt like a lighter topic. However, we did problem solve a little too
Hello Ptak,

first I want to say that I've read several of your recent posts to others on PC. I find you to be a very intelligent and empathetic person. I believe you have likely already helped several folks here with your warmth and kindness. You are a ray of sunshine on PC. You have much to be proud of Ptak! I think children would be lucky to have someone like you working with them.

Second, I am sorry that you've not been feeling great. Whether you feel it is depression or something else. You are right that therapists don't have magic wands and patience can be very important. However, this post I've quoted here sounds to me like you are almost resigning yourself to some level of unhappiness. Am I way off there? I apologize in advance if that offends you. Zero judgment here. You have my support. Let me know what you think about my question. I have some more ideas for you but only if you feel like hearing them. Unsolicited advice never helped anyone!

I wish you peace and a bright future. You deserve it Ptak!
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Default Mar 15, 2019 at 07:51 AM
  #9
SilverTrees, that is such a nice compliment. Thank you! I would be interested to hear your ideas, yes. I don't think I'm resigned, just reframing things and finding acceptance while I also try to help myself. No offense taken. thank you for your support!

Bill, no idea. Lol. Possibly doing something low key at first, like trying out volunteering w kids in my church. I'm also nervous. I can let you all know if I do it. I'm also applying to be a volunteer tree steward.
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Default Mar 14, 2019 at 07:18 PM
  #10
What might you consider doing with kids?

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Default Mar 15, 2019 at 08:28 AM
  #11
My depression has made me numb at times and made me avoid social situations. It sounds like you are depressed but should see a doctor for diagnosis and medication, and possibly a therapist. Sometimes I feel like my medication numbs my feelings too but it's somehow different than the numbing from depression. Hope you feel better soon!
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Default Mar 15, 2019 at 11:42 AM
  #12
Thanks Amy3boys. It's not a steady depression. I feel better sometimes. I have a therapist and psychiatrist. I see my psychiatrist today. Thanks for your feedback.
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Default Mar 15, 2019 at 08:20 PM
  #13
I suspect you got it right when you suggested it was social anxiety and depression all intertwined. If you have both (like I do), they feed back and forth in that respect.

It's like they make excuses for each other.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 07:22 PM
  #14
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Originally Posted by CepheidVariable View Post
I suspect you got it right when you suggested it was social anxiety and depression all intertwined. If you have both (like I do), they feed back and forth in that respect.

It's like they make excuses for each other.
I also have both of these

They do feed each other..

And I can’t take meds.

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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 11:31 PM
  #15
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I also have both of these

They do feed each other..

And I can’t take meds.

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I perceive anxiety and depression as two sides of the same coin. If a person had experienced one, they have experienced the other. Though we each seem to be more tuned in to one more that the other at different times. A therapist told me that my response to stress (anxiety) is to get depressed. I was surprised at first but found that to be true. Makes sense, right? Almost like Body and Mind get so tired of high-gear anxiety or panic that they eventually sink into depression. I don't know if that resonates with anyone else?
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Default Mar 17, 2019 at 03:59 PM
  #16
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I perceive anxiety and depression as two sides of the same coin. If a person had experienced one, they have experienced the other. Though we each seem to be more tuned in to one more that the other at different times. A therapist told me that my response to stress (anxiety) is to get depressed. I was surprised at first but found that to be true. Makes sense, right? Almost like Body and Mind get so tired of high-gear anxiety or panic that they eventually sink into depression. I don't know if that resonates with anyone else?

This does make sense. I think I read somewhere that depression has a function of making the body rest after so much anxiety. (I read this a long time ago so I don’t know how relevant it is). Body and mind do get very tired of high anxiety (I’ve had high anxiety since cub hood )

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Default Mar 17, 2019 at 04:03 PM
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A therapist told me that my response to stress (anxiety) is to get depressed. I was surprised at first but found that to be true. Makes sense, right? Almost like Body and Mind get so tired of high-gear anxiety or panic that they eventually sink into depression. I don't know if that resonates with anyone else?
Sounds plausible. A person can get worn down.

As for myself, I first became clinically depressed all those years ago when it became obvious my other issues were overwhelming and intractable. I don't get panic attacks or have the usual physical symptoms as such. I'm avoidant. When my avoidance wins and I am perpetually denied the life that others experience, I become severely depressed. When I make inroads against it and have some measure of success, my depression lifts. It isn't complicated or abstract. It's just horrifically painful and hard -- especially when the depression feeds back into it. That's why I have to take tiny steps and build myself up.
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Default Mar 17, 2019 at 04:13 PM
  #18
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Ptak From what you wrote, it seems like you're trying to do your best to cope with all of this. Good for you! Be proud of yourself for that. I'm glad you have a therapist you can talk to. It can help a lot. Take all the time you need to get better. Just take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. No need to hurry. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. Just try to do your best. That's all you can do after all. You have every right to be happy just like everyone else. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. We all believe in you! I'm rooting for you, Ptak. You're a strong, wonderful person, Ptak. Try to get as much help as you can. You deserve it. You deserve to get better and to feel good. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all fo this, ptak. Please don't give up. You can do this! I believe in you. We're all rooting for you. You're a strong, wonderful person
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Default Mar 24, 2019 at 09:13 AM
  #19
Does anyone have advice on how I can 1.) overcome this and 2.) be kind to myself when it does happen (which is often)?

I honestly don't think it's going to go away unless I find a way around it, work hard and long to change it, or just accept it. (Edit: I see a 4th avenue too, which is to find more things, even 1 thing, where I'm like a "wholehearted yes" about it, or at least a mostly wholehearted yes.)

Today I have no motivation to change myself. I feel especially guilty because I said I'd "See someone tomorrow at church" and today is tomorrow and I'm totally not going to church.

It makes me think how much like an animal I really am. I have my own rules and do what I want. I'm super unbending about it too. I don't want to say stubborn, because I want to change. But I'm super resistant when it comes to this sometimes.

Last edited by Anonymous49426; Mar 24, 2019 at 11:49 AM..
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Default Mar 24, 2019 at 11:45 AM
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Does anyone have advice on how I can 1.) overcome this and 2.) be kind to myself when it does happen (which is often)?
Well, let me think ...

[brief intermission, elevator music plays]

1. You said you are super resistant and that you don't know why. You might want to try various ways of exploring that the next time it happens. What are the things you are really feeling and thinking in that moment? I find it harder to do after the fact. Hopefully your therapist can give you some guidance on this.

So, what happens internally when the time comes to go, say, to the church? Knowing why would help.

For some things, maybe the social aspect is important to you -- but the rest may not be. That may not be enough motivation. So, try to find social events that really line up with something you truly want to do anyways. Try to find an activity or hobby that can be done socially (even if not normally). That might give you the extra bit of energy.

I don't know if this relates, but, I overthink things. I try to tell myself it will be alright. And if it isn't -- that's alright too. Some days and some things are just meh. You usually don't feel bad for trying -- which leads to ...

2. I find this hard. My family was supportive in their own way, but not emotionally -- at least not in any way that connected with me. I've never felt very connected to people. I've never been in a relationship. So, I don't truly know what it is to feel acceptance and kindness, or love. I haven't felt that kind of closeness from others and so I struggle to even know how provide it for myself. I can treat myself to something, or take a rest, or try to comfort myself, but it never feels like anything meaningful.

So, like other things, I try to do little steps at a time. First, do no harm. I try not to be so hard on myself. If I can't do anything else, I at least aim for this.

I try to adapt and re-direct. That is, find something else positive (preferably not avoidant) to do with my time and energy.

I try to do things not because "I have to", but because I might feel better if I do. Because I should deserve to have a life as much as the next person. So I try for gentle striving, not harsh goading. That's really hard to internalize -- and not just for me, based on what I hear from others. So I try to gently push forward as best I can.

I realize that's all kind of vague, and not a set of instructions you can just follow or tell someone. But life doesn't work like that does it?
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