Aspiring scientist in the clutches of depression

What has gone according to my will in my life?

I never had friends. I never will get to study what I've found out I am actually passionate for (physics), I'll never get to do research in physics cause the closest thing I can do is get a doctorate in chemistry. Before that I wanted to be a medical doctor, but some teachers who came in my life pointed out how useless, worthless I am. They pointed out how radically different I am, they told me they don't have time for me.

It's a long story, but they weren't my school teachers, they were my coaching institute's teachers. I joined the coaching institute because I felt I'd miss out a great deal of socializing, since that particular year marked the end of high school and after high school there are no coaching classes taught by anybody. I thought I'd meet new people, get guidance from the aforementioned teachers. How terribly wrong I was. They instead pointed out I am useless and it still eats me, almost two years later.

Then, comes the part with my social life. I am viewed as a joke. Why? Because I have a poor health. Most of my professors understand that, but it does not change the fact I am viewed as a joke by my peers. They're like, "if he can pass, we all will" I have no idea why everyone thinks I am inferior, due to the fact I am apparently crazy perhaps.

Talking about the fact I don't have any friends, you can guess how much my romantic relationships exist. It's not that I don't love, it's that they don't love back.

Nobody understands me. Nobody.