[pricehaylein]

I have had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I can't bring myself to go to a therapist. I have been dealing with a lot with my physical health lately. I was just hospitalized for potentially having a heart attack or PE blood clot. No, there is nothing wring with me, except for fibromyalgia and hypertension. But, lately, all I can think about is how badly I want to have these serious illnesses just for the attention. I cant bring myself to talk to anyone because I dont want people to feel bad for me, but when the doctors told me I didnt have a heart attack, a blood clot, or anything else i was so upset. I wanted these things to happen to me. But I dont know why. I used to pray to god i would develop cancer or some serious illness just for the attention. I feel crazy for admitting it, but its true...

[Skeezyks]

Hello pricehaylein: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. Based on what you wrote, it sounds as though the somatic disorders forum may be one that will be of particular interest to you. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/soma...rs/index4.html

I'm not a mental health professional & I'm not knowledgeable with regard to somatic disorders. So I can't be of much help here. However there are others, here on PC, who are more familiar with them. Hopefully some of them will see your post & reply. Perhaps the one thing I can suggest is that, although you may feel crazy for admitting how you feel, you're not crazy. Many people struggle with the types of thoughts & desires you describe in your post. If you read through some of the threads in the somatic disorders forum, I believe you'll see that this is the case.

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[downandlonely]

I struggle with depression and anxiety and sometimes I wish my illness was physical or more visible so people would know that I'm struggling. Maybe it's the same way for you. Wanting attention is pretty common.

[Fuzzybear]