[OCD1972]

I can remember being depressed as far back as age 3. I'm sure this was because my mother was abusive. At age 13 I had the misfortune of developing a severe case of OCD. That in turn made the depression much worse. I'm now 60 and I told my therapist that my reaching 60 was like a regular person reaching 100 because it's been so hard. There have been times of happiness but many more times of real struggle. I've been on psych meds since age 25. I've tried so many and so many combos. The only 1 that really worked on my depression was an old antidepressant called Nardil - it's in the MAOI class which is rarely used any more. The side effects were bad but I felt happy. After awhile the Nardil really wasn't working anymore either. I wish my depression was helped by the medication as much as my OCD and anxiety was. And yes I do take a large dose of an SSRI antidepressant to help combat the OCD as well as buspar and olanzapine. I am bone tired and I'm kinda wishing for a "ticket out". Cancer is very prevalent in my family. I think if I get that or some other illness I will just let nature take it's course. I'm sorry this is such a negative post but I feel bad and alone today and I just didn't want to feel so alone so I decided to post this. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I really appreciate finding this site and the kind and supportive fellow posters.

[Mopey]

You poor sweet darling. I don't blame you for wanting out. This kind of crap makes you wonder if the whole business isn't some kind of sadistic chemical experiment on someone's part. But you know what? It's not your fault. You have a soul. You have a beautiful soul. I would like to think that if you got very quiet, there might be some little place in that soul that could find a reason to keep on going.

Tell me, were you ever happy? Do you remember a time, a circumstance, where you felt good? Ever?

Originally Posted by Mopey

You poor sweet darling. I don't blame you for wanting out. This kind of crap makes you wonder if the whole business isn't some kind of sadistic chemical experiment on someone's part. But you know what? It's not your fault. You have a soul. You have a beautiful soul. I would like to think that if you got very quiet, there might be some little place in that soul that could find a reason to keep on going.

Tell me, were you ever happy? Do you remember a time, a circumstance, where you felt good? Ever?