[patrickinanis]

I’ll jump right right in.

I’ve been depressed for years now, and it’s beginning to really overwhelm me. I used to be able to manage it, so others couldn’t tell. I kept my grades up, maintained involvement in the community, and was social. More recently I’ve started to crumble. I dropped out of college, lost connections with all of my friends and family, and lost sight of my purpose entirely.

I started this thread to seek any advice on this particular aspect of my situation, my relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for almost two years now, and she’s great. She’s kind to me, understanding, and supportive. Despite all that and the many other wonderful things about her, I find myself wanting to end the relationship. I feel as if I can’t properly provide her with the love and affection she deserves while also expending the energy to heal myself that I deserve. I am having a hard time distinguishing if it is my depressed state wanting to push her away, or if I really would benefit from ending the relationship and focusing on rebuilding my life.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I appreciate it greatly. I need all the help I can get.

Hi patrickinanis, I'm sorry you're going through the kind of depression that is making you quit all things. I do wonder if its your depression telling you to break up. On the other hand, you do sound like you need to heal. I can't tell you what to do. But my advice would be to find a good counselor, and reach out to your family and friends so they know what's going on. Sending you warm thoughts.

[marenbird]

Ptak has given you wise advice. I would only add that you sound like you need a little break from the pressures and responsibilities of even a very good relationship, in order to figure out what else you need/want to do to get better. Maybe you need a bit more space and time to regain strength and perspective? So the decision is probably not so black and white, whether to break up. If I were you, I would put off any such decision, and just take some time for yourself, which may include counseling and/or other possible forms of help. Your girlfriend of this long a time likely has some understanding of depression by now and would hopefully understand your need to focus more directly on your difficulties and possible solutions.

I am new here, but am an older person and not at all new to depression. And I still struggle with it. But there was a time two years ago when I nearly felt ready to leave my husband for reasons similar to what you describe, and a 10-day break, to be by myself, helped clarify for me that that wasn't the answer. It was not an easy 10 days by any means, and your own answer to such a question may turn out to be different, but sometimes a little space and time can help, one way or another.