Help! Conversation w/ friends tomorrow

Hey guys and gals. This may sound silly when I explain everything but I need a little help. I have a two friends I have become very close with them over the last year. Last year the guy stepped in to my life when I think most people would run...it was a very very dark time. In fact his efforts may be the reason I'm even here today. The other friend entered my life shortly after and saw much the same thing.

Anyway, I'm spiraling pretty quickly into that same place. Monday night I had cancelled the idea of getting together with either of them for at least the week(probably longer) as it was an effort to distance myself from them so they don't have to go thru this again with me. He has no personal experience with mental health issues like I do. His fiancee the other friend does and while I have gotten more comfortable with her my preference is still to talk to him. So my thought was in order to avoid him having to see or hear about it, I need to cut them both off.

So, I reversed that decision from Monday night. I am working out with the fiancee tomorrow morning and meeting later in the day with the other. I think I came to my senses when I decided it should be their decision to walk away or stay and be there through this again. Truth be told I'm afraid they will want to stay and be there thru this. I felt like such a burden to them last time. Given my disdain for doctors especially psychiatry, meds are out for me so is hospital if it were to come to that point.

Do I actually let them decide or do I just explain why I need some distance and see what they say?