[ellipse23]

I feel like I'm at a really low point in my life situation. I wanted to talk a little bit about how I got here. After my 12th grade, I studied mechanical engineering due to family pressure although I wanted to study physics. I went on to do a masters degree in mechanical engineering as well. I have severe social anxiety and found it very difficult getting a job. Eventually I decided to follow my dream of studying physics and did a masters program in physics at the age of 30. I am now in the process of applying for a PhD program. I have been trying for nearly two years but have no success yet. Part of the reason is that I want to do a PhD in theoretical physics but my masters research was in experimental physics. I also feel my recommendations may not be the strongest. A few weeks ago, I did get an interview call for a PhD program. I had started taking anti-depressive medication about 10 days before the interview. A day before and on the day of the interview, I took some vitamin pills that had a reaction with the anti-depressive medications and I started experiencing involuntary muscle spasms which I had during the interview. The results of the interview were not good. The physics department released the marks awarded to each interviewed candidate. I got one of the lowest scores. Needless to say, I don't think I will make it. But it took a huge toll on my confidence. Now, I haven't been feeling like even trying to apply for the past two weeks. I know I should apply but I just don't have the motivation to do it. After the muscle spasms which eventually put me in the hospital, my psychiatrist changed my medication. But the new medication is not effective at all. I am thinking of changing my psychiatrist. I feel like all hope is lost for this application cycle and will have to wait another year before I can apply. I feel so disheartened and can't get myself to work through my situation.

[Yzen]

Sorry your interview didn't go as you wanted it to. The past is behind you and all you can do now is focus on what you can do right now to move forward. Keep your hope.