Looking for accountability partners, #4

I was very tired when I woke up this morning. So there will not be much energy to do much. I need to buy something in the grocery store. I will go there and at the same time buy a can of soup to heat. I don't feel for making dinner today. I will only put the washing machine to work while I use Net-Flix. That's how I will take care of myself today, according to the energy that is to my disposition.

I have "survived". It has been colder this day. I have had pain all over my body after I went out to the grocery shop. My GP told me to come back after about two months, when the temperature is higher to see if it had become better? Of course it will be better when the weather changes, but what help is that for me? May be I have to move to a country without winters...? I feel so sad...

I will go to bed early this evening and take paracetamol in the hope that the pain will not be so strong.

Tomorrow I have an appointment at 11 o'clock. I will sleep until 8 o'clock, have breakfast, take a shower and go to that meeting. I will visit the library, the grocery store and do nothing else (except for the TMD exercises), then rest, perhaps sit down and read a book. I can live with so much, but so much pain is too heavy for me.

I wish everybody a good and relaxed Wednesday!

My phone call went well today. I had to prepare some documents and send them in. I am tired. I think I will relax for the remainder of the day. I spent this morning working on my art. It's time for some fun.

Hope all of you are well! Tomorrow I will do light housework.

I am so happy because you have realized that!

I am not focused at doing as much as possible, but I have got the impression that you are. To use schedules has a special function to me. It helps me to focus on something else than depressive thoughts. Without a schedule it is difficult for me to keep my focus on to direct my energy on manageable activities like doing necessary things in my house that will overwhelm me if I let them pile up. Nobody will do it for me if I let it pile up. It is a way to keep focus away from overthinking about the past or worry about the future as well.

I have four physical diseases that I need to take care of. I would have been very happy if they disappeared, but they never will be and at least one of them will become worse as time goes. My aim is to live in the here and now and live a life that is as good as it is possible. It is my life and I want the most out of it. The best way I can do that is to make the borders between this time and that time of the day. The depression I had after a very terrible experience became chronic because I didn't get proper help at the right time. There will always be a rest depression to cope with, so by staying in the here and now (with my time disposed in a balanced way) I hope to not be too much touched by it).

It is not the schedule in itself that helps. The schedule is a frame around all the tools (methods) I have learned myself as years has passed. A schedule without well learned other methods would be without meaning for me (and probably for most people).

I don't like doing cleaning and other things in the home!!! But they have to be done. If I had had the money to pay somebody to do the work my home, I would have done it, be sure. But I don't have that money. I cannot understand that it is something to compete about. May be you don't feel that it is competing. May be you don't feel good enough when others do much and have to do more and more to be acceptable to yourself? It is not for me to answer that question. Only you and your therapist can find out of that together. A diagnosis is only a categorising of some symtoms, but behind the diagonoses are unique persons that might be very, very different. Find your own way Jennifer! You are a valuable person! (We all are as created in the immage of God).


Let me try to say it this way about me making schedules: If I am invited out to a party, I am happy for the invitation, but I know that I will need to portion out my energy wisely. Get my cloth done some days before. Get enough rest before I go and do relaxation exercises to fall into sleep after the party. All these things will be scheduled according to their importance to my general health.

I think this is what Dr. Yapco meant while he talked about not let any time being out of a schedule. He is very much for fun and doing things that one likes (and so am I). But it is important to have a frame around everything to not become exhausted or to fall into depressed thinking.

If you need fun, give a da** in the housework, schedule five hours where you are not allowed to do anything, but schedule what to do when the five hours have passed as well.

This is a thread about how to be able to do the necessary things that has to be done when people are low in energy (feel depressed). It is not a competing thread or a thread to get done as much as possible.


Take your time to enjoy life, Jennifer, as much as you can, and please don't tell me that I have hurt your feelings again. I felt like I got a slap in my face last time. I don't want to feel that again! (It took me some time to get over it).

Hope the movie is good. Enjoy the time with your mother!

May your day be very good!

I have another appointment today. It's at my home so all I have to do is finish getting dressed and straighten up some. I plan to clean up in the bathroom and straighten up the living room. My appointment is later this afternoon. I'll be glad when it's done. I don't feel well today. I'm sick with sinus issues and I'm very nervous about some ideas I have.

Hope everyone is doing well today!

I carried out most of my plans but just went low energy and low motivation around 4:00. That’s too bad because the church has a mean blueberry cobbler and bbq that I missed out on. My plans for tomorrow are: grocery shopping and banking, a spa pedicure and a medical test. Hope all goes well.

I hope everybody has a peaceful Thursday.

Today has been very stressful. My appointment was rescheduled. I waited for an hour and a half before I saw the email that said they weren't coming. And I had to deal with terrible tax problems today. I had one rep who just discarded me and threw me over to a new rep. I don't know when I'll hear from the new person. Maybe Monday. I'm working with a tax relief company. Tomorrow I will have to get paperwork together. I'll have to dig through old files. I'm very stressed about it. And to make matters worse, I'm on a new therapy plan. I only talk to my therapist once a week. I have to call up all kinds of coping skills. Plus on top of that... I've been looking at a new place to live. I have a med provider appointment tomorrow. I have to go cause I'm out of meds. I may just meditate tonight and go to bed early.

I hope everyone is doing well. Good wishes to all for a positive Friday!

You have a lot on your plate. Thinking of you and hoping things start looking up soon. Sending safe hugs and supportive vibes.

Everything went well but I stopped at Subway for a good veggie sandwich instead of grocerying (I was just too tired). Tomorrow I have to take my brother for a medical test, have furniture delivered and attend a meet up. I’ll spend the rest of my free time tonight reading the book in preparation.

I hope everybody has a peaceful Friday.

Productivity equaling worth goes back many years for me and that is one thing I am working diligently on in therapy.

My morning glucose is still too high, but, but ...

I have felt down so far this day, a combination of feeling sad and a small portion of anxiety. (I lost so much years ago when I had my PST experience: self worth, meaning in life, and more. Still that ugly experience can kick in again in my memory and make med feel sad).

I lightened up a bit when I found the "ifightdepresson" site because it made me feel OK by seeing that what I have tried to do to overcome the black dog is what is recommended to everyone. I have done a good job in spite of receiving bad therapy that time. To read the "ifightdepresson" site was like getting a pat on the back!

This is what I will try to do to save the rest of the day:

1) Eat healthy
2) Hygiene
3) Some errands including grocery
4) Sit down for 10 minutes when home again
5) Put the groceries in the refrigerator
6) Set the washing machine to work
7) Make dinner, relax and eat it
8) A little bit of de-cluttering
9) Relax with a good book or Net-flix