[puzzclar]

I have been approaching another crisis. And i want to hide from what I feel. IS that possible??? Sooner or later it will catch up to me.

Possible trigger:

yesterday's session with T, did NOT go well. the ending sucked. He would not let me not answer the question of are you safe. I told him I was physically safe, just not mentally. He wanted a yes or a no... I was indifferent. I am mad at him for trying to get past my defenses.

I do need to call today, but I dON"T want too!!! So much of this is hard to go through but I Have an important test to do to discover what is wrong with my digestive system. I do NOT want to miss that.

I need to call him and do a check in but I don't want to slip up and say yes I do want what I can't have. I don't want to know his reaction. Most likely it would be the hospital. and RIght now is not the time. I am almost done with my quarter in school. Even if it is triggering to do. I'll pass and I guess that is all it matters.

I hate my life.

I hate my life.

[Yaowen]

Dear Puzzclar,

I am so sorry! I hope you discover what is going on with your digestive system. I wish your therapy session had gone better.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[puzzclar]

Thank Yao Wen

I have not really told my parents that the world seems to be falling in... they wouldn't understand. I should just call and talk but I don't want to. As I am afraid T will say what I don't want to hear. Or I say the wrong thing. I"m crazy worried. And obsessing about it isn't helping.

I"m down and I don't want to go up. I turned in a paper that took a lot out of me and they expect me to write about death.... can we say NO!! Not know.

Why can't anything help?? I don't want to go inpatient.

[The_little_didgee]

School shouldn't be torturing you the way it is. Are you sure this is the right program for you? Maybe you need a break to recover and reassess your career goals.

[puzzclar]

I have that same question. I am taking a leave of absence. I don't know my plans. I don't even know if I have the right job for me. I'm scared that all I'll be is a.... I can't bring myself to type it. I feel lost and alone.

And I have been keeping the sui thoughts to myself. I barely told my t. How can I tell my parents. I did tell my sister.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared that I'll need to be hospitalized, like I always do. It's intermittent, the sui thoughts. If they were constant I'd be more concerned. I'm trying not to call my T. I don't want to hear, it's time to go in to the ER. I want the problems to disappear!

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

I have that same question. I am taking a leave of absence. I don't know my plans. I don't even know if I have the right job for me. I'm scared that all I'll be is a.... I can't bring myself to type it. I feel lost and alone.

Sometimes it takes people a bit longer to figure out what they want to do. It took me years. There's nothing wrong with that.

A break may help you figure out your path.

Originally Posted by puzzclar

And I have been keeping the sui thoughts to myself. I barely told my t. How can I tell my parents. I did tell my sister.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared that I'll need to be hospitalized, like I always do. It's intermittent, the sui thoughts. If they were constant I'd be more concerned. I'm trying not to call my T. I don't want to hear, it's time to go in to the ER. I want the problems to disappear!

Suicidal ideation don't always require a stay in hospital. Would it help to discuss it without the threat of hospitalization?

[puzzclar]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Sometimes it takes people a bit longer to figure out what they want to do. It took me years. There's nothing wrong with that.

A break may help you figure out your path.



Suicidal ideation don't always require a stay in hospital. Would it help to discuss it without the threat of hospitalization?

That would be wonderful, but it's always in the back of my mind and I have obsessed over it for many years. How do I get out of the loop?

I'm waiting for an appointment with T and wondering how it will go. I'm scared that the email will not be received well. I don't think he will overreact but he could.

I have done a meditation, and noticed my heart beating in my ear. I heard every beat! I'm trying to calm myself with out meds. But I have thought about going downstairs. One problem is it will take longer than I have because of the boot being off from my injured foot.

I just want to scream and hide.