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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
6 5,660 hugs
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#1
I'd feel better if I wasn't alone but hopefully nobody is because it's hell. Often I wonder if my life is just a dream, a nightmare and some evil beings are studying me, messing with me. How could life be so horrible?
Serious trigger warning... The other day I came so close to
Possible trigger:
This time
Possible trigger:
After it was over, the next day I woke up and my body literally felt like it was hit by a truck. Has anyone felt that way? It's as if my state of mind caused a lot of physical damage. Is it caused by sadness, depression? Sure enough after a few weeks, or a month, I always eventually feel on top of the world, but then eventually something triggers me and I go through the same hell, planning out my one way trip. Sometimes it only lasts a few hours. Sometimes it last days. Fortunately I always want to spend a few days planning everything out. This time it was Sedona. Last time it was Angeles forest. Time before that I think it was Death Valley. Time before that I think it was the Bigfoot Scenic Byway in northern California. Anyway I just felt like venting, was wondering if anyone has ever felt the same. |
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bpcyclist, Breaking Dawn, Buffy01, scapegoat0001, SlumberKitty
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Buffy01
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Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: California
Posts: 31
6 109 hugs
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#2
Hi stahrgeyzer, i too am alone. i often fantasize that i can just disappear from the face of this earth and no one will know where ive gone. rn i know it will never happen bc of my family. I just don't belong here. Hugs to you
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bpcyclist, Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,130
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#3
Quote:
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Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer
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Breaking Dawn
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
6 5,660 hugs
given |
#4
TBH for a long time I've been certain this reality is nothing but some type of lucid dream, and I sincerely mean that. So my ending isn't going to hurt anyone
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
6 5,660 hugs
given |
#5
because I'm certain nobody is real. How would a therapist handle that one?!
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Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
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#6
Dear Stahrgeyzer, I know the feeling of being trapped, & the feeling that nothing is real, which I think is a form of dissociation. A good therapist can help you. You don't have to live like this, at least not all the time. It's so sad to hear you suffering like this. I hope you find the right therapist for you. God bless you! Lots of hugs!
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bpcyclist, stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
6 5,660 hugs
given |
#7
Well tbh I've seen an awfully lot of things that make me believe this reality is nothing like mainstream wants us to believe. That may sound a bit like psychosis but I don't care because I'll go with truth seeking over trying to fit in any day!!
I was just reading comments on youtube of a DID video. In one of the comments there's a thread where numerous academic psychologists & academics in related fields are saying mainstream, for the most part, is avoiding DID. Well DID fascinates me to death! I think academic community as a whole avoids it because it severely pushes their beliefs beyond their comfort level. Thankfully there are some academics who are interested in DID. Obviously there are because they're watching DID videos. I see a lot of similarities between DID and this reality. I study my reality very closely and don't take it for granted like most people, so I tend to think that's why most people miss it, the little subtle things that don't make sense about reality. Most people just assume & ignore those subtle things, and by the time they reach adulthood then maybe they've become so good at it that it doesn't even reach them at a conscious level. So in DID there's an inner world where the alters live. Did you know that some alters are not even aware that they are an alter?? Often there are alters who watch over and protect other alters. For example in the following DID video she goes over the inner world. She talks about an alter who lives in the forest who doesn't believe she's an alter. Also there are special alters who protect the alter in the forest. In real world here I've talked to people who seem to be hiding something very important. There are people in my life who are just abnormally A lot of details. I could write a book on it. Then there are a lot of people in real world that seem like me, who don't know what's really going on but who just go along with things. I just have to wonder if the real world here is just the next level up, a world inside a bigger brain, and maybe we are all alters. Some know they're alters, but keep quiet. Some like me don't know, but wonder. Anyhow there's a lot more to it. I could write volumes about this topic. If anyone's interested in this topic then check out this young girls videos. Here's the one I last watched: |
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Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
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5 42.2k hugs
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#8
Dear Stahrgeyzer, You are very intelligent. And you are fascinating. I hope you do write a book. Many books. Change the mainstream thinking. This world (even if we're alters) needs people like you. You remind me of Rene Descartes. By the way, I love to wonder, too. : ) Please have a very wonderful day today!
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stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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