[howrer]

I'm new here. I'm not sure where do I post this because this involves suicidal thoughts, and that I don't have any official certifications of any mental disorders (although I did try to see doctors and am undergoing counselling now).

These few months are difficult for me. Although I've been in university for a year or so, but it's still hard for me to adapt to its lifestyle.

And nowadays, every fortnight I subconsciously come up with creative ways to die.

I know it's really very unhealthy, but I really want these thoughts to go away.

Possible trigger:

There can be implicit things that I want from suicide, but there are many who say that suicide is not the only way out.

I acknowledge that tomorrow is just another opportunity to live, but as days go by, I became more and more nihilist and skeptical.

I guess by finally dedicating some time to typing these out, I do feel a bit better. But I still cannot concentrate on studies and etc. Thanks a lot for reading this though. Hope all of you are well too.

[Skeezyks]

Hello howrer: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. Since you're attending college, the School & Study Issues forum, here on PC, may be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/school-and-study-issues/

And then here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of suicidal thinking that (hopefully) may be of help:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[howrer]

Hi, thanks a lot I'll give all of these a try.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

You've come to the right place. Thinking of you.

[howrer]

Weekends are terrible in the sense that there are no obligations to follow, no one to talk to, and that there seems to be really no hope to go on. Just another background - I'm someone who don't know what I want in life, so I major in engineering while taking a minor in philosophy so that I can expose myself to the contrasts in this world.

Maybe I might be burned out at the end of every week? I don't know if there are effective ways to take a rest. I'd always feel like sleeping and doing nothing productive, but what's in front of me are a lot of workload that have to be finished. At least I have to finish them bit by bit, so that there wouldn't be avalanches and rockslides during the end of the semester, where the pressure of finals would be much more immense.

I might react well to music. Are there any playlists that I can explore? Or maybe other media that, when you watch them, makes you laugh and yet motivates you at the same time.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

How are things going with you?

That sounds like a tough schedule. Fatigue is different to tiredness, remember. It comes from doing the same or similar things over and over, usually without enjoyment.

I struggled too, as a student. I was phenomenally hard-working. But very lonely. I'd changed cities, and left my difficult family situation behind. Fully expected to be really happy. Alas, it didn't turn out that way.

Do you have access to a therapist, where you are? Some campuses are excellent.

Very best thoughts to you!

[howrer]

I don't know what to do anymore. It's a waste of time sitting in lecture hall when none of the stuff they say gets absorbed in my brain. It's as if I space out and cannot focus. So today I left the lecture halfway because I really couldn't take it anymore. Even when I tried studying at home, I can't seem to focus on the content taught.

Weekends are spent on coping with suicidal thoughts. I don't know if I should rest or have fun or be even more disciplined.

I felt like dropping out from school. But yes our school has a counselling service and I have a therapist. Yet it seemed really long to wait for a month.

Yeah it seemed like there's not much of a direction. I don't have any schoolmates that are close enough with me to talk to. The people whom I'm close to are really quite busy since the exam season is coming. They got their grades to focus on.

So I'm kind of left with the feeling that I should just let things run and fail, since I have these issues. I know there are so many ways out, but as mentioned, the exam season is coming soon, and there's not really much time to slowly try one method after another.