[Twitch99]

If I weren't so weak I could have held it together. If I could have continued to hide my problems then I would not have dragged others down with me.

[Lilly2]

Awe, @Twitch99 (((safe hugs)))

You're not weak! Having a mental illness and all the symptoms that come with it does NOT make you weak. You, like many of us here, are struggling with symptoms of mental illness. Others, including other people with mental illnesses of different types, may not know how to respond sometimes, but that doesn't nor shouldn't mean anything negative about anyone. People may have different responses, but in general, people do care about how you're feeling, what you're going through, etc.

Mental illness requires tools, sometimes medication. Without those tools, mental illness takes over us, and all that negative speak inside is not who you are, but rather the mental illness talking. It's hard to hear and see that right now, but please be gentle with yourself. You are too hard on yourself.

Maybe just breathe and take one day at a time. Sometimes taking one hour or one minute at a time. But hang in there.

(((safe hugs)))

What problem-solving skills can you do at the moment? Such as, can you try to find a therapist or look online for a good therapist who is willing to understand your needs without retraumatizing you? Can you find online a list of T's in your area that you can call, or can you consider online T's? Can you consider paying out-of-pocket instead of going through your insurance, at least for the time being, so that you don't risk your job loss? Many law enforcement personnel do that, from what I've heard; they'd protect their jobs by seeking T's who don't take written notes and who are paid with cash, not with insurance.

It sounds like you could really use some professional help, since your support system at home may not be so supportive.

Thank you for letting us know where you're at. (((safe hugs)))

[Lilly2]

You're strong by being here and talking to us on PC. You're strong by holding on.

Here's some resources that may be of help to you:

Helpful Tips When In *CRISIS*

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255 and Lifeline

Crisis Chat: Lifeline Crisis Chat - CONTACT USA

Crisis Text Line: Crisis Text Line

IMAlive: IMAlive – An Online Crisis Network

Suicide Stop: https://suicidestop.com/suicide_stop...e_therapy.html

American Counseling Association: https://www.counseling.org/knowledge...tion-resources