[Escargot]

I've been feeling lost for almost 3 years. At first it'd come once in a while. But getting more frequent, and now I'm feeling that way almost all time.
I don't wanna do anything, don't feel like hanging out with people much, I can't seem to do anything right, I cry without reasons.
I really wanna talk with someone, but I can't really explain it myself and I can't afford professional help.
Idk what to do

[winter4me]

Welcome to PC! This is a good place to start. Lots of good people and good resources for learning and healing and dealing with depression...(((hug)))
Did something happen three years ago to trigger this?

[Escargot]

Thank you
I can't really think of anything. It's not like something big happened. Or maybe i just don't remember. Or some little things were built up over the years.
It feels like one day i woke up and realized the world was too far away and i could only watch it from the sidelines.
Talking with people about other stuff makes me feel better for a while before it comes back, but being together physically also exhausts me.

[winter4me]

It could be bio-chemical --- I know some things that have helped me when I am depressed (not that I can always do these things as often and as quickly as I should) is physical activity (walking, hiking, bicycling, swimming, dancing to the radio where no one can see me) and casual social interactions (making small talk while in a park or store....going to an art/craft show (or whatever)---and music, especially live music in a small venue---
I think we can regain ourselves (at least for periods of time) by going through the motions even when we don't feel like it. Not easy.
What is your day to day life like? Do you live in a city or a rural area etc? Things you like (or used to like) to do....(there are also good articles on this site) How old are you? work? school? [don't answer any questions you don't want to]

[Escargot]

Mostly it's just a flat line. I try doing my 'hobbies' (like reading and drawing), but lose interest in no time and i cant focus anymore.
I live in an outskirt, it's quite a nice neighborhood. I'm 21 and a college student.
I used to like hiking too, but it's been a while since i went for it. Can't find the urge to do it anymore. Tho' I still stroll around town once in a while

[winter4me]

If your college has a counselor, I would encourage you to talk with them, or someone in the health/nursing office. (or a friend/family member). It does sound as though you are depressed but you also have skills and time--- (I found my 20's very difficult...)---
Check out articles here on PC on depression and related subjects & do keep going through the motions (is that how it feels?) of doing your usual activities. Could you use your art to explore your feelings?

[giddykitty]

It kinda takes me awhile to find the words and I'm still unsuccessful sometimes (Like today, I just feel tongue tied). But you're not alone in these feelings. I've been there and in fact, I'm still kinda there with art stuff. At least you are doing something, even if it's only a few minutes. I don't even bother to get out a piece of paper because I know it'll just remain blank 10 minutes later. :P

I like the counselor idea, if you have one there. But don't do as I did and get self conscious. They are there to help. No problem is too small, so don't be afraid to share. I was too afraid to share and I just felt worse because I was wasting my time and theirs and I ultimately gave up on it. Now I don't have access to free services so that's kindof a bummer.

[Fuzzybear]

[Escargot]

Thank you for the advice. I'm still working on my communication. Sometimes it's difficult to share because i can't even understand what I'm feeling. So yeah I'll start doing something to sort out my feelings first i think

[giddykitty]

Yeah. Im glad you understood that. I was having one of those days yesterday but I wanted to specifically say that I too have trouble knowing or understanding what I'm feeling. They say journaling is a good way to sort of sort out your feelings. Personally, I like reading and responding to the threads on here asking "how are you feeling". Sometimes seeing how others describe feeling helps me to better find the words and or elaborate on that based on my specific experiences. I think a prompted journal is a good idea, like have a specific goal you are trying to sort out in your writing and the threads are a way I personally might go about that.
Best

Edit: also, and not sure if this is helpful, but I often or almost always just felt overwhelmed during my college years. It was very hard to sort things in my mind at the time, so while preparation is good, not being afraid to go in and admit you don't really know what you're feeling might just be ok too...but again, lucky for you you have a site like this you can get more feedback in between your visits with the professional. I didn't even know these forums existed back in my day...then again, I could have also overwhelmed myself even more too. Who knows?! Again, this may not be helpful but it emphasises you're not alone and the possibility of a need for a break (and I can say that yoga class was a good "break" for me during college years).