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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2006
Posts: 660
17 
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Jan 05, 2008 at 12:13 AM
#1
i am in agony. there are moments in which i feel i am okay then there are times where i fall into the deep hole of depression and cant seem to get out of it. i just want the day to go by so i dont have to face anything, i drink pills so i can sleep and forget i exist. i wont do anything to harm myself but i am really falling face forward into this space that i cant seem to get out of. no one around me understands what i am going through so it is hard for them to help me. but they cant if i dont help myself. after therpy i feel worse. today i just want to cry and cry until there are no more tears left. no worries please i just needed to get this out of my chest.
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Member
Member Since Nov 2007
Location: california
Posts: 256
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Jan 05, 2008 at 12:32 AM
#2
(((((((((((((((((((((((AGONY))))))))))))))))))))))))))
We are here for you if you ever need. You can PM me anytime if you want to get things out. Just rant, whatever. It is good to get it out and I am glad you made it here to do so. Taking pills to stay asleep...I dunno...that is a slippery slope.    You aren't alone!!!  melanie
__________________ "The night racks my bones, and the pain that gnaws me knows no rest," laments Job (The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version, Job 30:17). |
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2006
Posts: 660
17
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Jan 05, 2008 at 12:44 AM
#3
ty mrs, yes u are rught pills to stay asleep is not the answer
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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Jan 05, 2008 at 11:23 AM
#4
Can you ground yourself with some little practical thing? Go to the library for a comforting novel or a convenience store for a soda, some little "chore" that will get you moving a bit out in the world? I found 15-20 years ago that if I don't have "contact" each day with at least one real person, exchange a greeting or chat about the weather, etc. that I get even more wrapped up in myself and out of balance further.
__________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Aug 2005
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Posts: 644
18
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Jan 06, 2008 at 06:46 PM
#5
Agony I understand the hole you feel you have fallen into. Since you do not want to hurt yourself you must see light at the end and that is a very good thing. I do not know why you feel worse after therapy unless you are given things to think about that cause you pain. Sometimes we need to work through the pain so we can feel better! It always helps me to go some place with a friend and get out of the house. Stay busy, I mean to busy to take the time to be down! I dont know if that makes sense, but it works for me.
__________________ People are like stained glass windows They sparkle and shine in the sun but when darkness hits their true beauty is revealed only when there is light within . Elizabeth Krubel-Ros |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Roma, Italy
Posts: 519
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Jan 06, 2008 at 06:54 PM
#6
Hey, a few weeks ago I was in your condition, , and I was repeating to myself the same phrase: I wish I could "forget that I exist". Yes, that is a comforting thought. Don't hesitate to linger on anything thath seems to help, becasue you just have to let the time pass before the anti-sadness engine clicks on in your brain. It does sooner or later, we all know it.
The best of luck |
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Jan 06, 2008 at 10:44 PM
#7
((((((agony))))))
I'm so sorry you are in pain. I'm right there with you, though. I love it when I sleep while I'm in this state because it's the only time I can escape. But Mrs. Moggles is right, it is a slippery slope. I understand. No one IRL understands me, though, which is why I come here. This will pass, so just hang on with me  Take care!
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Legendary
Member Since Aug 2007
Location: West of Tampa Bay, East of the Gulf of Mexico
Posts: 14,352
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Jan 07, 2008 at 12:35 AM
#8
(( agony ))
Sometimes after therapy I feel the same way, and I cry and cry too. It's okay and it's a time to be especially good to you. Sleeping is fine. Therapy can be so exhausting and recovery time is needed sometimes. 
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2006
Posts: 660
17
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Jan 07, 2008 at 07:54 PM
#9
thank you all for your support. i am feeling a bit better. still dealing with some anxiety but coming out of the hole. you are so right stefano, the "episode" passes. its just sucks when u are in it because u feel hopeless at the moment.
((sol)), i hope u are feeling better sweetie. |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,403
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Jan 07, 2008 at 10:15 PM
#10
(((((((((((( agony ))))))))))))
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