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Old 10-29-2020, 02:33 AM   #21
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Default Re: Depression Vent Room for Misfits

Except at some of the dreadful high school dances I attended (I can't dance well at all), I never thought of myself as socially anxious because I was talkative in my classes (liked to participate) but always had a very small group of friends in hs and college. Given that my current situation is that my husband is my only close friend, I do think I have have anxiety about different things that makes me feel like a misfit. For example, when I put out the trash earlier this week and my neighbor across the street showed me his new flag and flag pole enthusiastically, I agreed it looked great but felt extremely self conscious (making me very quiet) about my hair loss (though I wear a hat when I go outside). Before that, for the longest time I felt uncomfortable talking to people in the neighborhood because of my 2015 attempt where fire trucks, ambulances, and many police cars came. That 2015 attempt still makes me feel like I have a serious mental illness (and ever since I manage my mental illness daily) which makes me feel like a misfit.
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Old 10-29-2020, 03:29 AM   #22
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Default Re: Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I was not aware of having depression before my late 30ís, though a series of events did happen that brought me down. The bad elementary school, bully experience, unrequited crushes on boys throughout middle-high school, love triangles in my early 20ís. But, the great majority of all those times had lots of good times and friends.
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Old 10-29-2020, 01:05 PM   #23
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Default Re: Depression Vent Room for Misfits

Nothing much changes for me from one day to the next... same old, same old. It's colder today than it was yesterday as well as overcast. I smell like a baby...
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Old 10-30-2020, 11:13 PM   #24
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Default Re: Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I used to use baby powder Papa bear and I were talking about buying a ''lead''... for something. I do not think we will purchase that item. Maybe another teddy bear instead

Sorry about the ''silly'' post. I haven't been feeling down most of the day. Just my usual grrrrrrness.

I have to eat some cereal (I do not like shredded wheat or sugarless Alpen, I find them boring and tasteless especially since I usually still try to only eat on one side of my mouth then I have to clean my fangs. I try to avoid mornings I'm late, I don't think I will have much sleep

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Old 11-01-2020, 04:57 PM   #25
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Yesterday was vacuuming day. Every Saturday (or sometimes Friday) I vacuum our townhome unit. It takes me a couple of hours or so. Once I'm done, I'm always wasted. And it takes me a day or two to recover. So today my legs feel sort-of like Jello. Still I did take our pooch for a nice walk early this afternoon. It was sunny but there was a cold breeze.

Actually I like shredded wheat. I have cereal for breakfast pretty-much every morning with either banana or some variety of berry. I also like Wheat Chex, Grape Nuts, & Quaker Oatmeal Squares. Oatmeal Squares are pre-sweetened. But, on the others, I sprinkle brown sugar to sweeten my grumpy personality...
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Old 11-01-2020, 06:00 PM   #26
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Post Re: Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I've been going up & down. I'm stronger for a while, which feels encouraging, & I'm even happy & I make plans about things I need to do & feel enthusiastic, then unhappiness happens & I get depressed, really sad, & I can't seem to do anything, & I feel so ashamed of myself. I owe a lot of people an apology & I feel so bad. I just wish so much that I could find the right therapist for me & wouldn't need to take meds with side effects. It's ok. I'm not like this all the time. I don't need to be in a hospital. I handle it pretty good on my own. I just keep hoping.
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Old 11-01-2020, 06:26 PM   #27
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^ I notice what I think are a lot of harsh self judgments in the post above. I also think a good therapist could help. @Breaking Dawn

Have you read Feeling Good by Burns? I have found this book more helpful (CBT) than any CBT (or other) therapist I had found in this forest irl Grrrrrrr

(edited) meds with side effects (in my case I have had additional severe allergic reactions grrr so it's not an option for me anyway aside from benzos
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Old 11-01-2020, 07:49 PM   #28
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Heart Re: Depression Vent Room for Misfits

Thank you @Fuzzybear! Yes, I had good CBT training years ago; have & love the book & have recommended it to others & use its principles the best I can. I am recognizing lately though that I need therapy again, mainly because of the voices, & probably dissociation, & possibly DID.
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Old 11-02-2020, 02:05 AM   #29
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Feeling ok today, ran some errands. Just feeling sad and lonely sometimes, but difficult to socialize now. Took my dog for a walk this weekend and it was a lovely fall day with the sun shining and beautiful fall colors outside.
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Old 11-02-2020, 04:42 PM   #30
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Smile Re: Depression Vent Room for Misfits

Quite a nice day here today... still chilly... but a lot warmer than it has been & sunny. Most of the leaves are gone from our trees at this point. We took our doggie to 2 pet shops today. Then my wife did some grocery shopping. While she was in the grocery store I took our pooch for a little walk down the street. It was nice.

I posted a tread in the Seniors forum regarding "sundown syndrome". I have some daily experiences that seem, to me, to be similar to this. One aspect of it, among others, is experiencing a noticeable increase in my level of anxiety. It generally hits around 4:30 or 5 PM. It's 3:40 PM as I write this & I think I can already feel it beginning to creep in.
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Old 11-02-2020, 07:02 PM   #31
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Hi, @Skeezyks, I was just wondering, could you maybe have a little bit of SAD/seasonal affective disorder? Like when the sun goes down you start to get symptoms & some part of you is kind of unhappy about this change? By the way, I have some problems with decreased sunlight myself, so I thought of that possibility.
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Old 11-02-2020, 07:57 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Hi, @Skeezyks, I was just wondering, could you maybe have a little bit of SAD/seasonal affective disorder? Like when the sun goes down you start to get symptoms & some part of you is kind of unhappy about this change? By the way, I have some problems with decreased sunlight myself, so I thought of that possibility.
@Breaking Dawn Thanks for your reply! I'm sure the earlier sunset now isn't helping. But this is something that has been going on for several months. I don't even recall when I first began to actually notice it. But I know I was experiencing it throughout the summer. It is true though that even in the summer, I don't spend much time outside except for taking our dog for walks. So SAD in probably a possibility. Have you tried using a light box? (I haven't.)
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Old 11-03-2020, 12:06 AM   #33
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Thank you, @Skeezyks. No, I've never used a light box.
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Old 11-03-2020, 01:11 PM   #34
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Thank you, @Skeezyks. No, I've never used a light box.
My impression, from what I've read, is that they work pretty well for some people & not so much for others. I guess there are different kinds as well. And some work better for some people than others. So it's kind-of like psych med's. Everyone's experience is different. The problem, I would guess, would be one could spend a lot of money trying to figure out if there's a light box out there that will work for them. Perhaps someone else, here on the "Misfits" thread, knows more about this than I do?

Not much going on here today. We'll be taking our pooch for a nice walk in the sunshine early this afternoon. That's about it.

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Old 11-05-2020, 11:39 PM   #35
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I thought some here might like this (I do )

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Old 11-06-2020, 04:05 AM   #36
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I either wake now in the middle of the night or make it through to morning. I always wake with anxiety from the relationships gone bad and worry. I feel so alone while I am blessed with others, but mostly they donít help me. Iíve been so depressed for so long itís become my personality. This waking trauma started at least ten years ago.
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Old 11-06-2020, 04:31 AM   #37
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Default Re: Depression Vent Room for Misfits

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I either wake now in the middle of the night or make it through to morning. I always wake with anxiety from the relationships gone bad and worry. I feel so alone while I am blessed with others, but mostly they donít help me. Iíve been so depressed for so long itís become my personality. This waking trauma started at least ten years ago.
Even in college, I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. I now know it was because of depression/anxiety (but not the kind of depression that made me sleep a lot--maybe a bipolar depression?). I would always go to all my classes and have never missed work because of lack of sleep. I would force myself to work through the afternoons even though I was tired (lots of coffee and, back then, Diet Coke). Now, I can take naps since I do not really have a job (I occasionally teach an online class in the morning but not very many).

I hope you are able to take a nap today.
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Old 11-06-2020, 04:01 PM   #38
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Just wishing the end were near today. It doesn't appear to be anywhere in sight.
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Old 11-06-2020, 05:47 PM   #39
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Dear God, please let them know how important they are, for themselves, & for each other! And thank you, God, for them because they are helping me!
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Old 11-07-2020, 08:35 PM   #40
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Much love to all


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