Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I hate this never-ending pandemic! But I hate religion even more! And more than that, I hate uncertainties and inequities. And even beyond all that, I hate the fact that we have to die, that suffering takes place, that trauma is even a thing, and that we can't just all be loved and loving and live forever? I wish we could all just live forever and love one another and never have to worry about anything bad.

I HATE it too

and i also don't like talking about it

so i am fer sure a MISFIT

eta i personally do not hate religion per se, but i do not like some of the PEOPLE in it

WHY WHY WHY cannot we all be LOVED AND LOVING?

I agree

I'm here without my freaking shirt on

so i am getting colder and colder

i do have a t shirt on..

so ALL IS WELL

listening to

''a new set of lies''

what is the title? not sure

sorry about all the posts, I've been quiet for a long time...........

I like your posts, Fuzzybear!

I didn't mean that I hated religion or all religion, though I was in a very dark place at the time I posted above. What I meant was that I hated being hurt by some religious people, so it made me distrust in religion altogether. I do like spirituality - the safe kind, and I welcome prayer - the safe kind, and I love the love that comes with safe spirituality.

I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight. I think it will be okay though. I will do a mindfulness meditation. I will try to be present and focus on the words. I had some trauma today so that is why I am worried. I'm afraid I won't be able to settle down. But I'll do my best.

Does anyone else find themselves sometimes, crying over the life they never were able to live? All the big dreams were smashed because of disability and illness. You never got to do all the things you wanted to do. And sometimes you sit there thinking about it. You see posts to "Dream big!" But you have limitations because of your body and mental illnesses. And you're like...I think dreaming big is for other people, and I wish them happiness.

I just wish that could be me too.

I'm happy to be alive, I'm thankful for all that I have. I am lucky to have survived the things I did. But sometimes everything I lost and wasn't able to do still hurts inside of me. And I am not certain that grief will ever heal. I don't know how much I can do in this life. I try things but they always fall apart. I am told I am a capable person but I don't see it. People always say everyone has their time. I've been waiting for decades. When is my time? My time on earth is limited too. I don't know whether to keep trying or just give up and accept my life and who I am is what it is. And no matter how hard I try, or work on myself, or improve, this never changes. I don't know why. Why am I like this and why does it have to be this way? Why? Why can't I just have a normal life?

I was just thinking about this tonight. I'm aging and growing more disabled by the day. I've missed out on many dreams because of all of my traumas from the past. I tried, but my physical health really got in the way. And with my mental health worsening my physical health and vice versa, I knew that there were things I could no longer pursue. That saddened me and angered me. It's not fair.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this, too.

I've asked many of the same questions you do. Unfortunately, I still have no answers.

All we can do is comfort one another until there are answers. And relate to one another's pain. ((((safe hugs ))))

My family and their toxic friends are a trigger for my depression. I been feeling really depressed because of how bad I been feeling because of how down I been feeling because of how hurt I been feeling because of the rude comments that were made.

I feel bad. I feel like a bad cat mom, a bad friend, a bad sister and a bad daughter. Just overall like a bad person.

Is guilt part of depression, maybe it is, but why. Sometimes feel guilty, was I the best I could be, did I do everything I could, am I bad daughter, bad friend, good coworker. It is interesting to learn that depression can include psychosis symptoms.

Oh, Deilla, thats so sad. It's not true! You try so hard, & life is just really hard sometimes. I hope things lighten up for you soon. You're a good person! I'm wishing you a new energy that will let you feel your self worth & strengthen you. Hugs & love to you!

Deilla - you're not a bad person. You're a good person who has been hurt.

I'm so sorry you are struggling with all these feelings.

Thank you for sharing, zapatoes. I struggle with those things, too.

But the truth is, we're people who were hurt and are now struggling with the effects of that hurt. All of those internalized messages - whether they be from our abusive and/or neglectful parents in childhood or from societal messages that somehow exacerbate our conditions - those still hurt.

My T helped me and some of my parts yesterday in session (online). She helped us realize that we are not bad, but that bad things happened to us. There were alters who were "groomed" to do icky things when they were in their early teens, so my T helped them feel not as guilty. She also understood that other parts inside had experienced different kinds of trauma as well. She understands why we're depressed. She helps us to slowly find our way to enjoying life - one itty bitty piece at a time.

I'm all alone tonight. It's late and I'm sad. I always get sad around this time. My therapist hasn't responded to me. And when she does respond, she never addresses my issues. I don't know what I will do. I'm all alone. I've called my mom twice today. She doesn't understand that I need support. Maybe I'm afraid to ask. I'm afraid I'll be let down. I have my cats. I guess it's time to go to bed and cuddle with them. That helps. It makes me feel less lonely.

It's 2am here in the UK. I went to bed early because I'd had enough of the day and just wanted to sleep. Now I'm wide awake, stressing about the days ahead and wishing I could go to sleep and never wake up.

I've spoken to T online this week, but it's not enough. I can't phone anyone at night 'cos it's not private. My H doesn't understand how bad things are. I tried to tell him a while back that I was having really dark thoughts. His response: 'if that's how you feel, just do it.'
Why would you say that to someone you supposedly love?

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