Depression Vent Room for Misfits

Cog-fog is kicking my butt at the moment. I'm trying to compose an email and just cannot think of the right words. It's one of those 'just on the tip of my tongue' things. Arghh!!

If I weren't so bothered about what the recipient thought, I wouldn't worry about the words I used; but trying to get across the point that I was negatively affected by what they said, whilst remaining polite enough so that the relationship doesn't totally fall apart..... is difficult.

It wouldn't be any easier to have this conversation with them verbally either, as I can (usually) express myself better in writing.

It's occured to me that in sending this email, I run the risk of totally p****** them off anyway, so do I have nothing to lose or everything to lose... not sure.

Maybe I should've just stayed in bed today.

@East17, from my own personal experience in a situation like this, I would at this point follow my instincts & not send the email. Instead, I would write all of my feelings & grievances on a sheet of paper, & after reading it several times, tear it up & put the pieces in my waste basket?

I think this is good advice in this situation! Sending hugs

I am not quite me

When I was one, I had just begun
When I was two, I was nearly new
When I was three, I was hardly me
When I was four, I was not much more
When I was five, I was just alive,
But now I am SIX .....

Respect and kind thoughts to all

I always felt like I was wanting to barge myself onto the scene even when it was clear I wasn't a part of it. I think being a part of the dance or cheer team or 4H would have done me quite a bit of good. Now I live with this emptiness. I was part of 4H camp as a little kid for maybe one year but I certainly don't remember it. As you can see, what good would that do me? It would have helped if I could have been part of it older so I would have remembered more of this type of good thing you know. I think there needs to be some kind of a real virtual reality activity or something that makes you seriously feel you're there when you're really not or not able to be part of the fun. I don't know. Just some wacky idea of mine. I know this sounds pretty dumb, but I can't help but feel that it would have made for some good memories to have remembered boating with other kids or shouting cheers or dancing to the latest music as part of a group. There's no great feeling like that. I didn't feel okay being alone in my room the other day. Then, I had a strong feeling of worthlessness today after I went out. It made me sad that going out didn't help me to feel better about myself at all because I was going for an appointment and got to do something more fun afterwards. I felt put down for it, by the person who was with me, but I was more than glad still to get away from the place. I sorely needed it. I have at times dreamed of being somewhere else other than where I'm reminded of the pain that I felt of feeling left out. I wish I could just dull this feeling worth less than.

Ups and downs

Downs
I was symptomatic for three weeks. Chronic Illnesses flare up. I attended three medical appointments last week… my primary care, endocrinologist and immunologist. I started another medication to control Hashimotos.

Fibromyalgia
I experienced a week of increased Fibromyalgia pain. I usually have a lot of pain in my legs, arms and tender points in my feet.
I have an appointment in two weeks with my Rheumatologist.

Depression
My depression is usually triggered by my chronic illnesses. I definitely have days I’m so frustrated with being symptomatic. I get upset about having a crapload of medical bills…..so much is not covered by insurance. I’ve applied for Medicaid multiple times and apparently I’m not poor, poor. I keep getting denied.

Venting
In a society that attempts to push toxic positivity on womxn, I’m glad groups and forums exist.
It helps to clear my head and frustrations. It’s a process to brainstorm and figure out solutions.
I really do get exhausted from chronic illnesses, health insurance bs, medical bills and out-of- pocket expenses not covered by health insurance.
It was hard receiving phone calls, letters and e-mails about multiple medical bills. They do not care if you make payments. Most hospitals don’t seem to relate to people who are on a fixed income and want medical bills paid off in 3-4 payments. They definitely fail to comprehend a lot of people with medical bills have several medical bills. I had medical bills sent to collections while I was making payments. I noticed that one hospital
listed the same medical bill twice. I did contact the credit bureaus.

Ups

I decided to space my medical appointments out more. I had appointments with specialists weekly and every two weeks. I started making detailed notes to get the most out of my appointments and having my provider check that I have refills.

When I’m symptomatic I sleep a lot. I took naps and went to bed a lot earlier than usual. I ate a lot of fresh vegetables and fruits.

I enjoy functional paper planning and attending virtual workshops. I use money management sheets to track my medical bills and the payments I make. I include the account numbers.

I pick workshops that interest me and align with the personal growth that I seek.
I popped in last week the last 30 minutes for two workshops (Monday and Thursday). Friday I participated in a full healing *🩹 gathering that lasted about 45 minutes.

I’m still going to bed early. My teenager school district is out of school this week. Parent Teacher conference is next week.

I’m excited that Feb 28th is Rare Disease Day. I have several autoimmune diseases but also have two rare diseases.

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Morning!

I took a long hiatus from Psych Central.
Does Tapatalk no longer give the option to give hugs ?

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You are not worthless here. You're not worthless period. Ideas like that are not worthy for any of us. Thank you, @modestlychee6463, for posting here.

Enjoying music solo isn't the same as dancing to it with others. You tend to have more energy, time, and enthusiasm when you're very young, too. I did enjoy showing off some gymnastics tricks with some dancing to see the furthest I could go. It's more fun to have peers to do it with though and you're less likely to feel ridiculous.

Today I'm having a hard time not crying. Too much of everything. I yearn for genuine freedom & feeling safe. It seems like just when I was about to see light at the end of the tunnel, something ruins that. I will keep giving myself pep talks, but right now I feel really sad.

I’m so tired of snow and ice storms.

Many businesses are closed because of inclement weather. Our trash service isn’t picking up.

Tomorrow I’m going to try the virtual YMCA classes option. I’m assuming pre-recorded videos are uploaded.

I subscribe to a few exercise, yoga channels on YouTube and have a few exercise videos that I own.

I’m not comfortable going in-person to the YMCA or any gym.

We don’t have masks mandates and a lot of people are out in public (grocery stores, post office etc) with masks on.

I’m actually happy just taking my weekly trips to Whole Foods and Sprouts. Lol

Everything else I do is virtually except my medical appointments.

I’m going through a bad break up with someone I really loved and still do. My therapist and others warned me there would be no happily ever after and that I dodged a bullet but that’s cold comfort right now. I don’t know how I’ll get through this.

Just realizing that stress is affecting me more than I realized and want to do yoga at least two to three days per week and meditation for 3-5 minutes after yoga. Several years ago yoga and meditation really helped my stress so want to try again. Things I’ve noticed besides TMJ pain worsening are eating too fast and occasionally stress eating. Don’t really overeat, but eating too fast is not healthy so will work on eating more slowly. Hugs to everyone.

Intense pain and depression this morning.

I hope you feel better soon, @Jennifer1967.

Yesterday evening I found out my maternal grandma’s health is not going well.

Hospice has been called in. I went to visit her yesterday and today.

I’m still processing my feelings, thoughts and my emotions.

I’m so tired of losing family.

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I’m working through the pain and loss I feel over a relationship that I thought would be forever. I realize now that even the positive aspects of the relationship weren’t healthy and there would have been no Disney ending. I am having periods of happiness now and looking towards my future so I think I’ll be okay. I’m meeting my daughter halfway to visit this morning so that will cheer me up.

Today I hurt.

I hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday.

Dear @Jennifer 1967, I'm glad you get to see your daughter today! I hope the two of you have a really wonderful day!

Best wishes to all misfits... from a (formerly active) member.