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modestlychee6463
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Default May 03, 2021 at 10:28 PM
  #341
I felt great Sunday but come Monday I wanted to rest so much to escape everything and everybody. Then I lashed out tonight because I couldn't seem to help one brother of mine find his tool. He didn't find it until after I had gotten into a rather nasty argument. I think at times that I would like to leave a world that doesn't seem to want me.
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Default May 09, 2021 at 09:05 AM
  #342
I hope all are doing well. I am very sad these days. I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

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Default May 09, 2021 at 09:27 AM
  #343
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Originally Posted by captaineo View Post
I hope all are doing well. I am very sad these days. I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

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I'm so sorry things are this dark for you. I do have a light at the end of my tunnel & I wish that for you.

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Smile May 10, 2021 at 02:52 PM
  #344
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Originally Posted by modestlychee6463 View Post
I felt great Sunday but come Monday I wanted to rest so much to escape everything and everybody. Then I lashed out tonight because I couldn't seem to help one brother of mine find his tool. He didn't find it until after I had gotten into a rather nasty argument. I think at times that I would like to leave a world that doesn't seem to want me.
@modestlychee6463 I hope you are feeling at least a bit better than you were when you posted this & that you will be able to see a light at the end of your tunnel.
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Default May 10, 2021 at 11:42 PM
  #345
I am feeling better than when I vented here this last time. I had to get away from the place once again. Being able to visit with other family members helped.
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Default May 11, 2021 at 02:22 AM
  #346
Yesterday, I needed someone to talk to because I did self-harm. I tried talking to my mother. All she could do was defend some guru that had upset me and triggered the incident. She didn't care about me or try to understand my feelings. She acted like I insulted her. How f-ing hateful. My mother is useless. I have no one I can talk to.

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Default May 11, 2021 at 01:37 PM
  #347
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Yesterday, I needed someone to talk to because I did self-harm. I tried talking to my mother. All she could do was defend some guru that had upset me and triggered the incident. She didn't care about me or try to understand my feelings. She acted like I insulted her. How f-ing hateful. My mother is useless. I have no one I can talk to.
I'm sorry you got this response from your mother. Although our circumstances are, no doubt, entirely different, I know something about having no one to talk to. It hurts...
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Default May 12, 2021 at 09:25 AM
  #348
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I'm sorry you got this response from your mother. Although our circumstances are, no doubt, entirely different, I know something about having no one to talk to. It hurts...
Yes, it's hard when we need to talk but no one is there. Or no one is compassionate enough. I get to talk to my therapist once a week. So I'm grateful for that.

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Default May 12, 2021 at 10:35 PM
  #349
I'm so sorry. Your mother is supposed to be your rock.
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Default May 13, 2021 at 03:48 AM
  #350
I'm sad today because I have so much to do and I don't have the energy for it. Every little thing wears me out. Just to get something to drink wears me out. I am currently dehydrated. I have been since yesterday. I think my new meds have raised my blood sugar. I will have to check it later this morning. I think that is why I am so tired and don't feel well.

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Smile May 15, 2021 at 12:35 PM
  #351
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Default May 15, 2021 at 04:12 PM
  #352
[B]Ok, ask anyone. I'm happy go lucky, always willing to help even at a moments notice. Yesterday neighbor's car repair completed early so sure I ran her over. My T is the only one I've trusted enough to talk to honestly. Recently needed a statement from him of my dx. My T doesn't lie. I suddenly panicked, the day before, thinking my T doesn't lie. He is going to tell her of a dx nobody but him knows and I've tried hard to keep secret. Of course I catastrophized that the whole world, every person I know, the government would all know I'm crazy.

My T sent me a copy of the statement he send. The dx was Major Depressive Disorder. Phew. He didn't tell. So at the next sesssion I thanked him. He said he gave the least applicable dx that would meet the criteria. My T doesn't lie. So he was saying I had that. He looked at me surprised. Yes. Of course I had to ask what it was. Didn't have a DSM5 handy!

But as I've been here somethings don't fit. But the worse do fit. Thought I just had panic attacks. Maybe a little PTSD but not like others but by definition. A little of this, a little of that. Think that means the term misfit is right.

Thanks. This is a great idea.
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Default May 15, 2021 at 05:22 PM
  #353
Well I definitely don't fit in anywhere, maybe I can here. I have no motivation to clean up. There's too much stuff and no where to put it . I wanted time to grieve my dad but instead my sister rushed to sale, and we are upset to not have time, things are not as they should be, and I'm exhausted trying to figure out what to do
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Default May 16, 2021 at 12:28 PM
  #354
Everyday,
Well almost everyday I go to sleep praying for a better Tomorrow. But morning panic and depression is a fact, so I have to plan things out. Don’t think you are lazy, is not a sickness I mean, what really happens to us is the loss of appetite for life. Depression does this to all of us. And is up to us to fight this like it was our own worst enemy, because it is, if makes up stories, it can keep you in fear, it can make you think or believe you have no self worth. When the truth is different.
My friends, I have been suffering from this disease since before my wife left with the kids... got worse when I was living alone.... when my dad died... when my country started to get worse... when my sister got diagnosed with leukemia and she being schizophrenic makes it worse, and then my dear mother, she is suffering Parkinson’s getting worse...
Now I have to take a list of the above and start thinking how to diminish the suffering, improve the way of life of my family and get them the best posible medical treatment. How can I do this if I am depressed! I cannot afford to be in bed thinking that I am waste of life and that I have no human value.

I decide to fight. And not to lay down and slowly die.

My blessings to you all, if I die tomorrow I hope this message helps or reached you at some level, if I continue living then I will do my best to keep fighting.



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Confused May 16, 2021 at 02:47 PM
  #355
Yesterday evening my spouse & I watched a free movie on YouTube (we've been doing this a lot lately.) The title was "All We Had". Here's a link to the movie just in case someone is interested in watching it:

All We Had | KATIE HOMES | Full Drama Movie | AWARD WINNING | English - YouTube

It got me thinking both about the mom in this film as well as about my own life. The mom in the film didn't have a mental health diagnosis. Mental health (or lack thereof) wasn't a part of the storyline. And I don't really have one either except for probably whatever the various mental health professionals I've seen over the years wrote down on some form so they could get paid by my health insurer. But, although the mom's life in the film and my life were entirely different, I felt as though we did have one big thing in common. And that was that neither of us was very good at "life"... at "doing adult" so to speak. So this, then, made me wonder if mental illness of one sort or another is always at the bottom of not being good at life... at doing adult... or if some of us are simply just life-challenged... not mentally ill... just less than competent when it comes to living adult lives. I don't know. Maybe I never did have a mental illness. Maybe I was just bad at doing the life thing. The sad part was that both in the movie as well as in my real life, others suffered as a result.
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Default May 19, 2021 at 04:23 PM
  #356
I've met some new people recently and I don't understand. I have to really lower my expectations. One wants to talk but never finds time. I feel lonely and sad.

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Default May 23, 2021 at 01:21 PM
  #357
Cried several times today, but overall I'm doing better.

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Default May 24, 2021 at 04:12 PM
  #358
Yesterday, I was screaming into a pillow, and thinking about writing my goodbye letters to the team.

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Default May 25, 2021 at 01:36 PM
  #359
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Yesterday, I was screaming into a pillow, and thinking about writing my goodbye letters to the team.

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Hope today is a better day for you...


I was "out-&-about", so to speak, with my spouse yesterday. My anxiety level was off the charts. The triggers are everywhere and unrelenting. And every time I know I'm going to be going out, I know it's what I'm going to be facing once again. There's simply no end to it... well... there is. But I obviously haven't arrived at that point yet.
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Default May 25, 2021 at 03:27 PM
  #360
I've been reading & working on solutions. And I just now realized I'm hungry. Take care everyone.

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