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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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Aug 12, 2021 at 08:27 AM
Hey @CrazyGracie:
I dont mean to sound harsh but you need to get your children away from this man pronto.
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A child who's being abused may feel guilty, ashamed or confused. He or she may be afraid to tell anyone about the abuse, especially if the abuser is a parent, other relative or family friend. That's why it's vital to watch for red flags, such as:
Withdrawal from friends or usual activities
Changes in behavior — such as aggression, anger, hostility or hyperactivity — or changes in school performance
Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence
An apparent lack of supervision
Frequent absences from school
Reluctance to leave school activities, as if he or she doesn't want to go home
Attempts at running away
Rebellious or defiant behavior
Self-harm or attempts at suicide
Specific signs and symptoms depend on the type of abuse and can vary. Keep in mind that warning signs are just that — warning signs. The presence of warning signs doesn't necessarily mean that a child is being abused.
Physical abuse signs and symptoms
Unexplained injuries, such as bruises, fractures or burns
Injuries that don't match the given explanation
Sexual abuse signs and symptoms
Sexual behavior or knowledge that's inappropriate for the child's age
Pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection
Blood in the child's underwear
Statements that he or she was sexually abused
Inappropriate sexual contact with other children
Emotional abuse signs and symptoms
Delayed or inappropriate emotional development
Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem
Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm
Depression
Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus
Desperately seeks affection
A decrease in school performance or loss of interest in school
Loss of previously acquired developmental skills
Neglect signs and symptoms
Poor growth or weight gain or being overweight
Poor hygiene
Lack of clothing or supplies to meet physical needs
Taking food or money without permission
Hiding food for later
Poor record of school attendance
Lack of appropriate attention for medical, dental or psychological problems or lack of necessary follow-up care
Parental behavior
Sometimes a parent's demeanor or behavior sends red flags about child abuse. Warning signs include a parent who:
Shows little concern for the child
Appears unable to recognize physical or emotional distress in the child
Blames the child for the problems
Consistently belittles or berates the child, and describes the child with negative terms, such as "worthless" or "evil"
Expects the child to provide him or her with attention and care and seems jealous of other family members getting attention from the child
Uses harsh physical discipline
Demands an inappropriate level of physical or academic performance
Severely limits the child's contact with others
Offers conflicting or unconvincing explanations for a child's injuries or no explanation at all
Child health experts condemn the use of violence in any form, but some people still use corporal punishment, such as spanking, as a way to discipline their children. Any corporal punishment may leave emotional scars. Parental behaviors that cause pain, physical injury or emotional trauma — even when done in the name of discipline — could be child abuse.
When to see a doctor
If you're concerned that your child or another child has been abused, seek help immediately. Depending on the situation, contact the child's doctor or health care provider, a local child protective agency, the police department, or a 24-hour hotline such as Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4453).
If the child needs immediate medical attention, call 911 or your local emergency number.
Keep in mind that health care professionals are legally required to report all suspected cases of child abuse to the appropriate county authorities or the police.
Request an Appointment at Mayo Clinic
Risk factors
Factors that may increase a person's risk of becoming abusive include:
A history of being abused or neglected as a child
Physical or mental illness, such as depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Family crisis or stress, including domestic violence and other marital conflicts, or single parenting
A child in the family who is developmentally or physically disabled
Financial stress, unemployment or poverty
Social or extended family isolation
Poor understanding of child development and parenting skills
Alcohol, drugs or other substance abuse
Complications
Some children overcome the physical and psychological effects of child abuse, particularly those with strong social support and resiliency skills who can adapt and cope with bad experiences. For many others, however, child abuse may result in physical, behavioral, emotional or mental health issues — even years later. Below are some examples.
Physical issues
Premature death
Physical disabilities
Learning disabilities
Substance abuse
Health problems, such as heart disease, immune disorders, chronic lung disease and cancer
Behavioral issues
Delinquent or violent behavior
Abuse of others
Withdrawal
Suicide attempts or self-injury
High-risk sexual behaviors or teen pregnancy
Problems in school or not finishing high school
Limited social and relationship skills
Problems with work or staying employed
Emotional issues
Low self-esteem
Difficulty establishing or maintaining relationships
Challenges with intimacy and trust
An unhealthy view of parenthood
Inability to cope with stress and frustrations
An acceptance that violence is a normal part of relationships
Mental health disorders
Eating disorders
Personality disorders
Behavior disorders
Depression
Anxiety disorders
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Sleep disturbances
Attachment disorders
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Quote:
What Is Child Abuse?
Child abuse happens when someone caring for a child hurts a child's feelings or body. It can happen to boys or girls in any family. Often, hurt feelings (or emotional trauma) last long after a hurt body has healed.
Knowing the dangers of abuse and what to do if you suspect it is key to keeping all children safe.
What Are the Types of Child Abuse?
Physical abuse is when a child's body has been hurt. Hitting hard with a hand or an object like a belt can leave bruises or cuts and cause pain. Shaking, pushing, choking, punching, painful grabbing, and kicking also can be physical abuse.
Sexual abuse is sexual contact (like sexual acts) or non-contact sexual activities (like taking or sharing sexual photos and sexual talk) between:
an adult and someone younger than 18
an older child or teen and a much younger child
one person who has power over another, no matter their ages
Most cases of sexual abuse involve a close trusted adult or family member who abuses the child's trust. Often, the child is pressured or talked into the activity, offered gifts, or asked to keep secrets, not physically forced into it.
Neglect is when an adult doesn't do what is needed to take care of a child. This means not giving the child enough:
food, housing or clothing
medical care
supervision
attention (called emotional neglect, when a child is ignored)
education/schooling
Emotional abuse (or psychological abuse) happens when adults caring for a child judge, threaten, put down or reject kids or teens, withholding love so the child feels bad about themselves or worthless.
Substance abuse, when adults use drugs or too much alcohol, can put a child in danger. It can cause adults to neglect, physically, sexually, or emotional hurt a child. When adults use drugs or overuse alcohol around a child, many state laws say this is child abuse, even if no one neglected or physically hurt the child.
In some states, it's child abuse if:
adults let a child drink alcohol or take illegal drugs
adults make, take, or sell illegal drugs in the presence of a child
a woman uses illegal drugs while pregnant
Medical child abuse is when adult caregivers harm a child with too much medical care, such as medicines, appointments, surgeries, or lab tests that are not needed.
Who Causes Child Abuse?
There is not one type of person who causes child abuse. Most of the time a child knows the abuser well. Sometimes people who abuse children were abused when they were children.
Sometimes, people who abuse kids can show some signs. For example, parents who abuse their children may:
Always talk negatively about the child or call the child worthless.
Try to keep the child away from others.
Have a hard time talking about their children's injuries or behavioral problems.
Show little concern or affection for the child.
What Are the Signs of Child Abuse?
Kids and teens often have a hard time speaking up about abuse. So knowing the signs of child abuse can help.
Kids who are being abused might:
have frequent bruises, especially in places kids don't usually get bruises from play
have stories to explain injuries that don't make sense or keep changing
not want to go home
avoid being with the abuser
avoid being with others
show signs of emotional trauma, like fear, anger, or trouble relating to or trusting others
be sad or depressed
bully others
hurt themselves, like cutting
have nightmares or trouble sleeping
act out in class, have trouble paying attention, or be hyperactive
use drugs
Kids who see abuse (but are not the victims themselves) or see violence between adults caring for them sometimes show similar signs.
These signs don't always point to abuse. Kids going through stressful times — like their parents' separation or divorce, a move, or the death of a loved one — also might be sad, angry, or withdrawn. But if physical signs (like bruises) happen along with behavior problems, that's a stronger sign of abuse.
What Should I Do if I Suspect Child Abuse?
If you think a child is being abused or a child tells you about abuse, contact your local:
child protective services agency
police
hospital
You also can contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). You don't have to give your name.
You might not be sure of the abuse, but having a concern is enough. The authorities will look into things and find out if abuse is happening. It is better to report and have no abuse found than to not act on your concern while a child continues to be hurt.
Never threaten a person or take the law into your own hands. Let the legal system do its work.
If you are worried that you might hurt a child in your care, make sure the child is somewhere safe, and then speak with a friend, relative, or health care professional. You also can contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). You might just need someone to talk to or you may want to seek counseling.
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I understand you are in a touch situation. But you are the one who needs to ensure the safety and wellbeing of those kids. It doesnt matter if he tried meds or counseling, Unless he can prove he has seriously changed he shouldnt be around the kids. I know this might mean a separation or breakup of the marriage but what is the trade off?
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyGracie
This would be a long post, but here is the foundation…my spouse is easily frustrated during stressful times and I feel that it’s emotionally abusing our children. Yes, I have talked to him about it…he had gotten on medication, but “it made him paranoid”. He says “I don’t whip the kids anymore”. No he doesn’t, but he still loses his temper and patience with the children rather quickly. And it’s just TOO rough. It’s gotten to the point where I’m convinced he’s only being “rough” with them when I’m not in the same room or present to see it happen. I noticed how my kids are different compared to his (I have only been in his life 4 years) and I believe it’s how he treats them. For four years I though it was the kids’ bio Mom, but I really feel that it is also him.
I’m at a loss. I’m very nervous and sad. I want to do what’s best for the children.
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