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Thumbs up Feb 26, 2021 at 02:15 PM
  #41

Deilla
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I looked at your blog. It's lovely and the cartoons are adorable. I think you are on the right track because you are actively doing and looking for answers!
I looked into it as well. You are on your way! Keep going ...
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Thumbs up Feb 26, 2021 at 02:48 PM
  #42
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I went to bed early and did my prayer for a long time. I didn't want to wake up again. My prayer goes unanswered. It's really unfair. Life is over for me. I have no hope of anything. I'm pretty worthless. I have no one and no one really cares. Not my daughter, not my mom and not my sisters.
Deilla, God is not a milking cow. He answers in his own time. Thank him instead. Of course we are allowed to feel down, disappointed and angry. He can take that! But there must be place for the thanks as well; for a beautiful morning, for rain after a dry season, for a good cup of tea, a funny cat and so on.

To be thankful does something with our brains.

You are not worthless, because every person on this planet has a worth in themselves! So, maybe your family does not care, but let them be in that wrong state. It is them that don't know what they are missing by ignoring you. Create your own life in a path that is yours.

I read in your blog that you are into DBT. In case you want a very good, but thin book, built on both CBT and DBT I recommend this one: "The Decider Skills for Self Help: CBT and DBT skills to increase resilience, coping and confidence" Paperback – November 29, 2019 by Michelle Ayres and Carol Vivyan (Author)

Amazon.com
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Default Feb 26, 2021 at 03:14 PM
  #43
Thank you! I will have to check that book out. I'm always looking for good stuff to read like that.

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Default Feb 27, 2021 at 03:48 AM
  #44
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Thank you! I will have to check that book out. I'm always looking for good stuff to read like that.
It is not for reading only, it is for practice. I recommended it because if you look into it at Amazon, you will get an idea about if it is something you will put your effort and energy into.
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Default Feb 27, 2021 at 07:50 PM
  #45
I hate my mother! She's a monster. I'm always getting upset with her cause she's such a witch. I refuse to have anything else to do with her. She does something, and I fall into a dark depression. Today, I am angry. I'm sick of it. I will try to use REST to feel better. I wish I had a punching bag to hit. My therapist recommends screaming into a pillow. I'm just afraid my neighbors would hear me. I think I will play my game for a while. And have a drink.

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Thumbs up Feb 28, 2021 at 06:29 AM
  #46
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I hate my mother! She's a monster. I'm always getting upset with her cause she's such a witch. I refuse to have anything else to do with her. She does something, and I fall into a dark depression. Today, I am angry. I'm sick of it. I will try to use REST to feel better. I wish I had a punching bag to hit. My therapist recommends screaming into a pillow. I'm just afraid my neighbors would hear me. I think I will play my game for a while. And have a drink.
Deilla,

I liked the screaming in the pillow! May be you can bind two or three pillows together and then punch them? Only a suggestion, am sure you will find your own way!
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 05:45 PM
  #47
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Deilla,

I liked the screaming in the pillow! May be you can bind two or three pillows together and then punch them? Only a suggestion, am sure you will find your own way!
Thank you! I think I ended up reading some inspirational material. Yeah, that helped to soothe me. I am fine today. I kept my phone off for most of the day.

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Trig Mar 10, 2021 at 03:17 PM
  #48
I'm fed up. I have three family members who have been ignoring my messages since yesterday. I must be a worthless piece of ****. Who deserves treatment like that? What did I do that was so wrong?

And my doctor is refusing to treat me anymore because I've canceled too many appointments. I canceled cause I was afraid of Covid. It doesn't matter. I am a low-life for not going to my appointments to his precious, perfect office. I'm the scum of the earth. I just need to fade away forever.

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Last edited by Deilla; Mar 10, 2021 at 04:38 PM..
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:21 PM
  #49
I will try to use REST and mindfulness. I just feel really bad and I feel all alone.

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Default Mar 14, 2021 at 07:27 PM
  #50
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IMO, there could be a purpose for your life but the time is not now. I am sorry you don't feel loved. Hang in there, something really good could happen months or years from now. Eventually, things change!
@TunedOut, thanks for your support. I appreciate it. I think I have found my purpose. For the past week I've returned to the work I used to do when I was employed. This time I'm working on my own projects and it's been fun. It's quite rewarding. It's keeping me busy and every day I think of something new to work on. Tomorrow I have lots more to do. I'm actually looking forward to a new day. I've worked so hard today, that I'm ready to relax this evening. But I feel really good. I hope things are well with you.

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Default Mar 15, 2021 at 04:49 AM
  #51
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@TunedOut ...For the past week I've returned to the work I used to do when I was employed. This time I'm working on my own projects and it's been fun. I hope things are well with you.
So glad you found work and are feeling better! I am feeling more at peace with myself--the best way to describe it is that I am more comfortable with being myself. Work has been slow for me (lately, I am just teaching about 2 one-half hour ESL classes a week online--something I enjoy)--but I have a one month online work project (I usually choose to work about 25 hours a week on these) that starts in mid April. So I am looking forward to having more work too! Thanks for thinking of me! Have a great week!
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Default Mar 17, 2021 at 11:35 PM
  #52
I'm not doing well. I'm upset over an incident that took place 2 days ago. I can't shake it. I spoke on the phone to a rude receptionist at my doctor's office. She said horrible things to me and treated me like I was a low life cause I had canceled some appointments. That doctor refuses to treat me now. I tried to explain that I canceled out of fear of getting Covid. She just reminded me that I made the appointments. I don't understand what's so wrong. I canceled them days in advance. I can't get over the harsh judgment. I feel like a degenerate. I can't focus. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I'm ruminating and I'm depressed. My therapist isn't any help. She just says do your stuff. I've tried. I keep thinking that I'm worthless.

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Default Mar 18, 2021 at 11:34 PM
  #53
I'm feeling somewhat better today. I think I'm over the incident. I'm trying to do the best I can. Tomorrow, I'm getting the vaccine. It's an appointment, which means I have to leave my house. But I think I can do it. I'm rehearsing the event in my mind. I will have to leave a little early to get gas, but I think it's okay. The gas station and the pharmacy are right next to one another, and both are just down the street. I think it will be easier than most of my appointments. I'm nervous about walking into a pharmacy. I haven't been inside a store in a couple of years. I guess it's like going to a doctor's appointment. I do those all the time. It will be good to get my vaccine.

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Default Mar 20, 2021 at 05:31 PM
  #54
I'm struggling. I don't know what to do with myself and my projects don't seem that appealing anymore. I feel sad. One of the things I learned from DBT was to distract myself when I felt bad. But nothing I normally do seems like it will help. I think of those things and feel awful. If I get a bad feeling thinking about them, then how will they distract from the pain I'm already feeling? That incident with the receptionist burst my bubble. I still haven't recovered. I think that is part of the reason I don't find my usual activities rewarding anymore. I feel doomed.

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Default Mar 20, 2021 at 10:10 PM
  #55
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I just feel my pain and push myself to do chores. That's all I ever do anymore. I struggle with housework. I have no purpose in life. I guess maybe giving a home to two rescue kitties is a purpose.

Delia, this sounds like my life, except I have two rescue pups. They're the only reason I'm still here. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice because I'm feeling just like you. But I wanted you to know that someone else feels the same. I don't know if that helps, but maybe sharing misery can somehow make it a little less painful. For both of us.
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Default Mar 20, 2021 at 10:13 PM
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I feel doomed.

Delia, the more I read of this thread and your story the more I relate to how you feel. I wish you a little extra comfort today.
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Default Mar 21, 2021 at 12:00 AM
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Delia, this sounds like my life, except I have two rescue pups. They're the only reason I'm still here. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice because I'm feeling just like you. But I wanted you to know that someone else feels the same. I don't know if that helps, but maybe sharing misery can somehow make it a little less painful. For both of us.
Hi! Yes, thank you! It's helpful to know that I'm not alone. That's great that you have a couple of rescue dogs. Before my cats, I had a little Westie. He was a rescue dog too. They do give us meaning. Animals are precious souls.

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Default Mar 21, 2021 at 12:02 AM
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Delia, the more I read of this thread and your story the more I relate to how you feel. I wish you a little extra comfort today.
Thank you! I am feeling better this evening. I've been practicing mindfulness. I feel more hopeful. I wish you the best too.

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Default Mar 24, 2021 at 10:34 AM
  #59
Things got pretty bad for me this morning. My depression was an 8 with 10 being an ER visit. I don't know why I have to get so upset. I just felt exhausted, overwhelmed and useless. But I picked one task and completed it. It was a difficult one too. It took me about 30 minutes. I took a lot of breaks because of my back, but I got it done. I'm so glad I did it. I feel much better. It was something for my cats. I guess I'm a good cat mom today.

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Default Mar 25, 2021 at 08:17 PM
  #60
Today was a bad day too. I received some terrible news this morning and it affected me all day. I did nothing productive. I ruminated all day. In the afternoon I tried to distract myself with a game. It helped for a little bit. Once I was done, my inner critic started up again. My online therapist suggested that I journal. It was a nightmare of an experience. All I did was list 101 ways to call myself hateful things. That was all I could come up with. Tonight is not much better. I need sleep, but for some reason, I'm unable to get rest.

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