Dark Days

Deilla · Nov 08, 2021 at 06:14 AM

Thank you for reading the thread. Yea, I have a lot of problems with family. But I keep trying. There are some good moments. And I try to move past the hurtful ones. I think my med changes are good. I would like to have less depression, but I think maybe I can use my DBT tools. I won't have a therapist for a while after November 20th. I think that will be hard. But there's nothing I can do about it. I will have to rely on my journal, friends and the forum. I have thought about peer support groups. I might be able to do some of that.

This morning is going well for me. I made breakfast early. I'm getting ready to put it up and go back to bed. I might meditate. I wish the sun was up. It will be a little later.

SprinkL3 · Nov 08, 2021 at 06:35 AM

Glad you are feeling better and using what works to help you cope!

I hope your week goes well!

Deilla · Nov 08, 2021 at 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

Glad you are feeling better and using what works to help you cope!

I hope your week goes well!

Thank you! I hope your week goes well too. Take care.

SprinkL3 · Nov 08, 2021 at 07:50 PM

Thank you, Deilla!

Deilla · Nov 27, 2021 at 12:40 AM

I worked hard today on self-care, pet care and housework. I don't feel like I did enough. I still need a shower. I still have boxes that need to go to the dump. My living room is a mess. It's just not good enough. It won't be until I'm fully organized. But self-care gets in the way. This is stuff I have to do every day that takes up my energy. It takes effort to brush my teeth, wash my face and get a shower. That could be half my day. There's so much involved and I wear out easily. Plus, I'm afraid to shower. I have to do rituals to get in there.

I just feel doomed today. I don't feel empowered at all.

Deilla · Nov 27, 2021 at 06:59 PM

I keep a "Done" list of everything I do each day. It includes self-care, pet care, chores and housework. It's the end of the day and I have 20 items on my list. I thought I would feel proud. But no, I keep thinking of more stuff I have to do. I am exhausted. It's early and I just had a nap. I may take my meds and go to bed. I'm pretty depressed anyway.

I tried to talk to my mom about what was bothering me and she ended up criticizing me. I just need to go to bed and stay in bed.

Deilla · Nov 30, 2021 at 06:42 PM

I have three things I want to accomplish for tomorrow. I'm not sure I can do them.

1. Take a shower.
2. Drop off some mail.
3. Pick up my meds.

Each one of these causes anxiety for me. I'm scared to do them. I'm afraid something will go wrong and I will have a complete meltdown.

Deilla · Nov 30, 2021 at 06:47 PM

I'll do one thing a day. I will shower on Wednesday. I will drop off the mail on Thursday. I will pick up my meds on Friday. Or maybe I will just ship them to my house. Yea, I don't have to pick them up in person. So really I have two things to deal with.

Deilla · Dec 01, 2021 at 11:46 PM

I can't sleep tonight. I tried and only got 3 hours. I've been trying to sleep for the past 5 hours. My pets are causing me problems. I yelled at my cat. I don't know what his problems is most of the time. I feed him, play with him and give him attention. It's not good enough. I make sure he has water and a clean litter box. I'm just a terrible cat mom. I'm a waste as a human being. Maybe I should just go back to bed, or try to.

made08 · Dec 02, 2021 at 04:32 PM

I just feel worried and uncertain that my meds are not working fully because I am housebound these past few weeks. I walk daily, it is just getting inside of the car to go to places but I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow.

Deilla · Dec 06, 2021 at 11:08 AM

I hope your appointment went well. I am housebound until payday. Then I have 2 appointments.

Today I feel sad. I have lots I have to do but I don't have the energy for it. I just want to relax. But everything is all messed up.

Deilla · Dec 07, 2021 at 10:32 AM

I am going through my morning routine. I am almost done and then I can relax hopefully. But I have chores I have to deal with. I need to wash dishes. I feel tired and bad.

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Dark Days

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SprinkL3 Account Suspended Member Since Oct 2021 Location: DELETED Posts: 2,752 (SuperPoster!) 3 10.9k hugs given	Nov 08, 2021 at 06:35 AM #122 Glad you are feeling better and using what works to help you cope! I hope your week goes well!
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SprinkL3 Account Suspended Member Since Oct 2021 Location: DELETED Posts: 2,752 (SuperPoster!) 3 10.9k hugs given	Nov 08, 2021 at 07:50 PM #124 Thank you, Deilla!
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made08 Member Member Since Feb 2015 Location: United States Posts: 463 9 207 hugs given	Dec 02, 2021 at 04:32 PM #130 I just feel worried and uncertain that my meds are not working fully because I am housebound these past few weeks. I walk daily, it is just getting inside of the car to go to places but I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow.
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Deilla Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2017 Location: Limsa Lominsa Posts: 29,434 (SuperPoster!) 7 49.2k hugs given	Dec 06, 2021 at 11:08 AM #131 I hope your appointment went well. I am housebound until payday. Then I have 2 appointments. Today I feel sad. I have lots I have to do but I don't have the energy for it. I just want to relax. But everything is all messed up. __________________ ‘Live for now,’ ‘This too shall pass,’ ‘Everything is happening for my good.’
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Deilla Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2017 Location: Limsa Lominsa Posts: 29,434 (SuperPoster!) 7 49.2k hugs given	Dec 07, 2021 at 10:32 AM #132 I am going through my morning routine. I am almost done and then I can relax hopefully. But I have chores I have to deal with. I need to wash dishes. I feel tired and bad. __________________ ‘Live for now,’ ‘This too shall pass,’ ‘Everything is happening for my good.’
	Reply With Quote